Sunday, February 24, 2008

Down-and-dirty Dyck under pressure


From the Campaign Trail:
A firestorm of controversy engulfed Mighty Dyckerson's front-running campaign for the US presidency Sunday over a report insinuating he might have veered off the straight and narrow during his first, failed White House bid four years ago.
Concerns arose in the Dyckerson camp when a certain Miss Lamb began appearing with the candidate at fund-raisers, visiting his offices and accompanying him on a client's jet in 2004. Dyckerson's campaign four years ago is best remembered now for an innovative electioneering strategy pledging free internet porn to seniors.
At a heated press conference this afternoon, media mogul Dyckerson categorically denied inserting his penis in anyone's vagina.Dyckerson also dismissed questions about oral sex and cigars.
When one reporter asked, "If you have a politician, an elected official, and they can't be trusted in their own marriage, how can I trust them with the budget? How can I trust them with national security?" a clearly emotional Dyckerson responded by pointing to his genitals.
Dyckerson's wife and first cousin, Dyckette, was fully supportive of her husbands declaration. "He hasn't gotten it up since 1997", she revealed.
Several other women claimed they have also had sex with Dyckerson but they were too ashamed to speak to the news media. One woman did agree to speak so long as she remained anonymous.
"I'm afraid people will says 'that's the best you can do? You poor thing!' If Karla did have sex with him that's what I would say too!" Dyckerson who claims to possess a 22 inch penis (when folded) has refused to comment further on the current whirl of accusations.