Saturday, September 29, 2007

Blowing my own trumpet!


Well, it's about freakin' time. Finally, Stan gets a modicum of recognition, a little time in the prime time, up there with the swinging dicks, the big boys of blogging, yes, this most distinguished, very deep blog, is officially rated as no 164 in the Top 500 of British political blogs and no 84 in the Top 100 UK Centre-Right blogs. I have absolutely no idea why this is the case. I’m totally bewildered in fact...but I’ll tell ya this: I’m mildly aroused by the musky scent of success. I am pleasured to be sandwiched between some of the main figures of British political blogging....

You see I’ve been ranting my ass off for nearly a year here. I’ve sprayed you with wisdom about everything from Polish politics to poon, from the Pope to poop...with no monetary reward or sexual favours (apart from Kitty) having been exchanged or even suggested by any of you people. God knows I am disappointed. But from now on make a note: this blog is a fully-fledged quality blog, a premier political blog. Don’t you ever forget it. Thus, I’d like to thank all the little people- I appreciate your unstinting support.....I think I'll go and lie down in a darkened room now.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Hating Hillary


Is there a more reviled public figure in America today than Hillary Rodham Clinton? Well, okay: OJ Simpson. But OJ isn't, as yet, running for political office. The problem now is that pundits are asking not if Hillary Clinton can win the Democratic Party nomination, but if she can be stopped. President W. Bush (remember him?) also thinks that Hilla will win the Democratic nomination and has even indicated in private that he believes she will succeed him in office. Frankly, I wouldn't piss on Hillary if she were on fire.

And I'll tell you why. Hillary personifies all that is politics. She lies, she misrepresents, she slings poop at her opponents, and she is very very expert at it. I hate her not because of her policies, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I hate her not because she knows how to play the game of politics, I respect anyone who can accomplish their goals.I hate her because she is so false, and mostly because dumb ass liberals buy into her ridiculous, superficial, insincere rhetoric. She knew about Bill's indiscretions, yet came on t.v., cried and claimed she didn't know. She stole property from the White House. As First Lady, she instituted a policy wherein people in the White House were not even allowed to look her in the face. Who the fuck does she think she is? As Senator, she voted FOR the war in Iraq. She now claims that if she had been president at the time then she would NOT have invaded Iraq.And another thing....Hilla the Hun is running perhaps the most media-controlled — and media-obsessed — campaign in presidential history. According to Politico, Clinton aides convinced GQ’s editors to spike an unflattering piece about the campaign’s inner workings by threatening the magazine’s access to the former president, who is the subject of a planned cover story.

Let me put it this way: if Hilary Clinton had a schlong and ran on the same proposed agenda that she is running for now I would imagine she/he would have a hard time getting one vote from the most liberal American. Hillary is. Horrible. On the other hand, it looks like anyone who has a chance of winning in 2008 is horrible on all the stuff that matters. America is well and truly fucked. Unless that is political maverick Mighty Q. Dyckerson can be persuaded to relaunch his flaccid campaign for the highest office of all.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The internets is bullshit

In kindergarten, he had an interest in Barbie dolls. At home, when he was allowed, he wore dresses. Indeed, he still does. The self-proclaimed “Queen of Ghetto” from "Bitch Island" likes to wear fake eyelashes too.Hmmmmmmm....
Now millions beg for the favours of the young man with the Southern drawl and the extravagant mascara, declaring their love at his genius. I refer to Chris Crocker, the pseudonym of the tear-stained 19-year-old, Britney Spears fan who became an internet sensation after his YouTube defence of the embattled star’s widely-derided performance at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas earlier this month.
In the two-minute film (watched by more than 8 million people to date), the blond video blogger chokes back tears as mascara streams down his face, lambasting those who have criticised the singer.“Her song is called 'Gimme More,’ ’cause all you people want is more, more, more, more, more ... you’re lucky she even performed for you bastards!” he shrieks. Crocker has now been approached by a reality television company 44 Blue Productions to follow the YouTube star’s life as a persecuted gay man in a small Bible Belt town.
Now listen up!
The world is screwed.
How is this news? Its bad enough we have celebrity blogs covering Britneys performance now we have to see this freakin' asshole too. Now don’t be hating Stan!! I don't care that Crocker's gay or that he wears dresses, I do care that he has a persecution complex about everything and feels obligated to whore himself out for attention at every opportunity. I just feel someone should send him to boot camp. He might just like it...If you know what I’m saying.
Goddamnit, the power of the internets means that this man could go far....Scary, isn’t it?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

In a world that stinks to high heaven….a book that offers hope


I don’t give a crap about this. Nor this shit. And this guy can take a hike too.
What concerns me is something much closer to home...a matter that stares us all in the face at some point or other.
In communities everywhere, dog owners just don't seem to bother to pick up after their dogs-and the poo is everywhere - on the grass next to the street when you park the car, at the playgroup, at the park and down the street on the sidewalk(fact:it is estimated there are 7.4 million dogs in the UK. Together, they produce some 1,000 tonnes of faeces every day.There's a a pestilential plague of poo everywhere. But does that poop necessarily always belong to dogs? Not all of it, that’s for sure. Think about it. For my internets wife, Kitty, well, she might be faced by dingo turds, for example as she sashays her way to the mall. For my *special* friend Little Lamb, ovine fecal matter could be the order of the day everyday, and for Jenny! we could be talking about the droppings of any number of homeless people in the Windy City. Last but not least, there's Mr MightyDyckerson who has recently (perhaps unforgettably) covered this issue with a unique contribution all of his own. In future, you need never waste time speculating as to the origin of the turd on the grass in front of you or on the beach. Why? My friends, I present to you a comprehensive guide to identifying the droppings of every beast from aardvarks to yaks. A tome devoted to the animalistic turd in all its glory. An encyclopedia of excretion. A compendium of crap. A folio on faeces.The concept behind What Shat That? is a simple one: yearn no longer to merely identify the animal poop before you, learn to understand it. But,ladies and gentlemen, you really can learn a lot of serious and fascinating facts about nature in the book. It is surely a book that will be cherished by any nature-lover, amateur biologist or poop devotee and Christmas is not far way. Buy your loved ones some crap they can actually learn something from this Xmas.It really is not bad for a load of old poo. You could do worse.....I mean who would want to read this shit?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Taking aim....my kind of Milf


Via the wonders of the internet, I have learned of a woman whose name is Eva. No, she isn’t a Russian chick seeking a husband. She is, however, blond, rich, famous, four-times married and mother of one child (ok, so the last two particulars are not exactly assets)As you have probably guessed already, I refer to German writer Eva Herman. A woman who is determined to bury feminism once and for all.Milf Eva is the author of the controversial bestseller "The Eva Principle" ("Das Eva Prinzip"), which takes a sledgehammer to modern feminist thinking. I truly despise feminists, not the garden variety “women should be equal” kind. I am talking here about the bitchy, stinky and furry, "all sex" is rape kind. Well, to hell with that kind of crap.Who needs it?
Eva Herman is leading a crusade. She feels that nothing less than the survival of Germany is at stake - Germans will "die out" if women don't change their behavior, she says. Herman sees herself as courageously breaking a "taboo" by criticizing women's liberation. She recommends women exchange the sterile sphere of work for the "colorful world of children" and discover their "destiny of nurturing the home environment." Actually, she has a point. Germany has the lowest birth rate in Europe, the population is getting older fast and is threatening to shrink yet further.But there’s more....Eva has just been fired from her job as a TV news presenter for remarks she made to a German newspaper at the weekend where she said "values like the family, children and motherhood, which were promoted in the Third Reich too, were later scrapped by the 68ers". OK, she made a PR screw-up. I never said she was perfect. I’m sure not all of what Herman has said is wrong, and much of it may have been taken out of context, but there’s certainly no “one size fits all” approach to family, parenting, and work. Am I right or am I right?

Thursday, September 06, 2007

He's a freak...Convict him.


The Phil Spector murder trial has been a freakin’ circus worthy of an appearance by Dyckerson himself. But before I dump a generous serving of crap on Phil....let me read the charge sheet.
For 25 years Phil Spector lived in a mansion in Beverly Hills. It was there that he masterminded his conquest of the pop charts in the 1960s and 1970s. It’s been 4 years since actress Lana Clarkson, a B-movie actress and model, was shot in the head in that same mansion. It was there that the Police found Spector hiding at the rear of his home, bloody and resisting arrest. He subsequently pleaded not guilty to second-degree murder. Spector claimed Clarkson shot herself. That sounds a bit unlikely.The prosecution case, i.e., that Spector killed Clarkson because she rejected the Viagra-fueled sexual encounter he had planned, does sound more plausible....
First of all, Phil Spector looks like a creepy murderer. No woman would sit in a foyer of a house- let alone Phil Spector's house (well, look at the guy)-and say I'm gonna end it here,with Phil's gun, oh and I'm gonna blow my teeth out and wreck my face while I'm doing it. According to suicide experts, people - especially women, never hurt their face in the process of suicide.Second, Spector has a rich track record as a violent misogynist. The New York Post's has detailed how this man treated women and the behavior he got away with for so long.Spector now plans to wed his 25-year-old fiancee if he escapes the murder rap (!)Yesterday, in his closing argument,Alan Jackson, the lead prosecutor, appealed to the jury to use their "common sense" in deciding whether or not Spector is guilty of the murder of Lana Clarkson.Whatever the Jury's verdict, it's clear Phil’s hair has been dead since the early 80’s. How the hell could any right-minded lawyer let their client repeatedly appear in court looking like a total asshole?I have to admit Phil's hair weave on the lower left ....remains a personal favourite.

Monday, September 03, 2007

An Honourable Member

It's a sad reality but men who troll for sex in public places, gay or "not gay," are, for the most part, upstanding citizens. In this regard, one might think of George Michael , LBJ aide Walter Jenkins, or global media mogul “Mighty” Dyckerson. There is, I have read, a delicate choreography involved in the men’s room “lewd conduct” tango. The various signals - the foot tapping, the hand waving and the body positioning - are all parts of a ritual of call and answer, an elaborate series of codes that require the proper response if things are to advance (if ya see what I mean). Put simply, a straight man would be left alone after that first tap or cough or look went unanswered.
Larry Craig will soon be an ex-U.S. Senator from Idaho. Larry is certainly a man with issues to resolve. He has faced rumors about his sexuality since the 1980s.In an interview on May 14 2007, Craig told the Idaho Statesman he'd never engaged in sex with a man or solicited sex with a man. Just a few short weeks later, Larry was arrested for being a homo bathroom cruiser trolling for action in the men's room of Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. He was arrested for tapping his foot, moving his hands and spreading his feet while taking a poop. Throw the book at him!Like Craig said, he didn't do anything. It’s not like he was getting a BJ or something.
Craig resigned Saturday over the men's room sex sting.....but Larry Craig should not have resigned because he has sex with other men. He should have resigned because he has consistently championed against gay rights, while getting his freak on in men's room stalls.
What lies ahead for ole Larry?
Broadway musicals, porn, or membership of the Village People, perhaps? So then we'll have the cop, the indian chief, the construction worker, cowboy, the sailor, the biker, and yes folks THE SENATOR!!!!