Thursday, August 30, 2007

Public Service Announcement


My wife- that’s Mrs Stan!! not to be confused with my virtual wife,Kitty- sometimes likes to utter profound comments along the lines of, “All men are crazy,” after which I usually throw something at her, such as a beer bottle, after which she smiles smugly and says, “See?”.
Au contraire, Mrs Stan!! After careful thought, prompted mainly by my sensitive post on Diana, Princess of Wales, and a few shots of Grey Goose, I have come to the conclusion that women are prone to insanity while we males are prone to divinely-inspired rational decision-making at all times.
First things first; hormones are the basis of moods in women. 'Balls (or should it be ovaries?) to that!As you may have noticed, the old hormones can affect everything from hunger and sleep to ambition and screwing. Then you have the menstrual cycles, which mean that women can have a different mood every week during a predictable cycle. God help us!And then we have pregnancy which may throw missy into a state of constant irritation, or turn her hyper-active and craving sex during every waking moment. Go figure, bro.
Then we are faced with the fact that women are insecure about everything....and I mean everything. Many of them have a constant worry that their men are going to leave ‘em, others are judging them, the bills won't get paid, or they'll screw up their kids. Actually, they might have a point with some of those concerns, especially the first two. My biggest complaint is this and I speak from years of experience with Mrs Stan!!-if you have an argument with a woman, she'll likely ask you hundreds of questions, some of which may not be connected to the current argument. What gives?
Not all women are crazy. Probably. We just need to focus more on learning how each other ticks. Remember:Stan is here to help and spread the love....Are you with me, people!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I just don't want to know....


Many in Britain are currently wrapped up in a vomit-inducing nostalgia fest about Diana, Princess of Wales. It has been 10 years since her death in a Paris car crash, when many Britons were (strangely) crushed with grief over a troubled woman who was for many a style icon, charity worker, and tabloid celebrity.
Two major investigations by French and British police concluded that Princess Diana's death was a tragic accident, but 10 years on many remain convinced she was murdered in a sinister plot. In fact, Di’s death has spawned a world class outbreak of bat-shit mad conspiracy theories. My favourite one suggests leaders of a "new world order" assassinated her because she wouldn't marry former President Bill Clinton. Other theories claim that she was killed as part of a Satanic ritual, or even that she is still alive having faked her own death.
Frankly, I never liked Diana.I was never a fan. And I mean never. Diana was the product of very adept, high tech marketing and PR- nothing more; nothing less. She was of average to low intelligence. She was a self-obsessed moron who both courted media attention...and resented it when media attention didn’t suit her goals. She didn't deserve the accolades that seemed, to many, to be necessary whenever her name was mentioned after her death.
I think the Nation wept for Diana as it often does when any character from a long running Soap expires. Personally, I'd weep buckets of tears if Grey's Anatomy were ever cancelled. Does that make me gay?
I didn’t give a crap when Diana snuffed it and don’t give a crap about Diana now... Nor should you.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Mainstream


The porn industry rakes in billions in revenue each year and has become increasingly mainstream. Actors show up on talk shows. Its showcases take over convention centres across much of the western world. Established corporations such as Time Warner, Inc., Marriott, DirectTV, and the Hilton hotel chain all depend on pornography as a major source of revenue.
Jenna Jameson. As I'm sure you know, she's a pretty popular porn star who wrote How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale -- a book that stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for six weeks a year or two ago.
Now she is to be the subject of a Hollywood biopic.
Even though the movie isn't even officially off the ground yet, a ton of names have already been kicked around including Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Heather Graham, and Christina Aguilera.None of these ladies are “porn-star endowed”, since I think they are all sporting their natural curves. I wouldn't be surprised if Jessica Simpson took on the role. She might be refusing it now, but it isn't like she has many options career-wise.
I'm more perplexed by a different issue.
Who would want to see this film? I mean beyond the Showgirls type titillation. It just sounds like a sales-pitch for JJ and the porn industry. For two decades feminists have warned of the ways in which pornography—and now Internet pornography in particular—has lowered womens belief in their own sexual value. Pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia,boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to many conservatives and the religiously minded.
Whatever way you think about it, porn has really broken into the mainstream in a way that would have seemed inconceivable 10 or 20 years ago. But what the fuck does that really say about the kind of societies we are living in?

Monday, August 20, 2007

The politician and the lap dancers



Confounding his image as a squeaky clean, church-going family man, Australian opposition leader,Kevin Rudd has been forced to admit that he paid a visit to a strip club called Scores during a boozy night out in New York in 2003. Some of the ladies from Scores are pictured above-I've done my research.
Rudd has also been forced to deny claims that he had been cautioned by the club's bouncers for touching the strippers (!) He said he did not have a "completely clear recollection" of whether there were semi-naked women in the club or what they were doing(!)
Rudd also said he expected to "take a belting in the opinion polls" as a result of the revelation. Feedback to The Courier-Mail's website suggests, however, this attack on the Opposition Leader may have backfired. Of 450 responses, about 70 per cent were in Mr Rudd's favour, many claiming the strip club visit showed the Labor leader was "human".Even the Australian Christian Lobby managing director Jim Wallace has said people should remember that no one is perfect. That sounds about right to me...Does anybody really care what Rudd did? Should they?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Doust mine ass look biggeth within this?



Listen up twenty-first century chicks....(but first,check out the "pair" of twenty-first century chicks to the left there)
Concerned about large or droopy breasts? Just bind them up in bandages for a few nights before washing them in white wine and rose water. (Having them tongue dried helps too, heh, heh...)But seriously, this is just one of the "helpful" suggestions in a 300-year-old book that you might call the Cosmopolitan of its day.
The Ladies Dictionary: Being a General Entertainment for the Fair Sex includes many of the hang-ups affecting modern women.(Source)
The author of the 1694 publication has some surprising suggestions on issues from diet to fashion and make-up to adultery. One remedy for the overweight involves bathing in claret and a list of ingredients you probably won't find in your local supermarket, including wormwood and something called "squinath" (male love juice perhaps). When it comes to a first date, the author asks: "Is it proper for a Woman to yield at the first address, though to a man she love?" In his opinion: "You'll get better Conditions if the Enemy does not know how weak you are within." Women are warned not to be tempted due to "dangerous consequences" and "dishonour it puts on your Sex". And in case you were considering adultery, forget it. Such affairs often end in "blood and disgrace", the writer warns. The book's advice on make-up is very simple - do not wear any. "A painted face is enough to destroy the Reputation of her that uses it," it says. On prostitution, he says it "causes a man to spend silver for flesh, till he becomes so lank that his legs are scarce able to support their late master" (!)
How far wrong can you go with advice like that?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Politician porks hooker




No, Bill Clinton is not involved. It's all very sordid and involves a member of the Italian Parliament, Cosimo Mele. Mele, a married man with four kids, was caught out after a prostitute with whom he spent the night at a luxury Rome hotel overdosed on cocaine and had to be taken to hospital.
The prostitute, Francesca Zenobi, pictured above, has told investigators that the 50-year-old MP supplied her and a girlfriend who joined them at the hotel with the drugs.She also told them Mele failed to help her when she fell ill, an accusation which could complicate the MP’s position. Mele, who has campaigned in the past on the need to “defend our Christian values and identity”, has also been an advocate of drug-testing for members of the Italian Parliament.
What were you thinking of Cosimo, my man.....

Friday, August 10, 2007

The biggest pimp of them all

Is there no decency left in this sick, sad world of ours? The British Department for Work and Pensions Jobcentre Plus website is currently hosting advertisements promising adults up to £100-an-hour for work at “escort agencies”. I have to say that I am shocked by these adverts which could lead countless men into lives of prostitution. One advert, promising £90-an-hour to over-18s in Cardiff, states: "Duties involve providing clients with a personal escort service in an unsupervised environment….Experience is preferred but is not essential. Duties will involve escorting and accompanying members of the public which may cause embarrassment to some people."At least, the hours are flexible I suppose. Big Brother will, of course, be taking his cut from the “earnings”.Perhaps I should freshen up my resumé...

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Fake Orgasms

Socrates, or perhaps it was Sharon Stone, once said: “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
Actually, Men can fake relationships and fake orgasms, Sharon (although not the utterly honourable,Istanbul Tory, of course). A quarter of men have faked orgasms, according to a survey of 15,000 people polled by QueenDom.com a few years back. A British survey in 2004 found that 14 per cent of men who faked orgasms did so because they didn't want to explain to their partner why they hadn't climaxed.
The ladies don't appreciate this fakery apparently. But none of this matters. The point is that Istanbul Tory has been reading up on feminism lately (as you do). I’ve learned a lot. Fay Weldon suggests that sexual pleasure may be incompatible with high-powered careers and that women should simply accept they are less capable of being happy than men. Fay tells women not to expect orgasms but to fake them, and to praise their partner lavishly afterwards. Well, I’ll be darned.
That’s not a view that you normally associate with a woman who has been in the vanguard of feminism for four decades (boy, is she showing her age).
Take Fay on shopping: 'The urge to acquire is in your genes,' she writes. 'Don't beat yourself up about it. Just remember, 12 pairs of shoes is fine but 24 pairs is pushing it.' The American feminist Camille Paglia (a self-described 'feminist bisexual egomaniac') has lauded Fay’s book and its author for its courage. 'It's an important point that the career woman may often end up alone,' she reckons. 'That scenario needs to be put to younger women as they begin making their choices about life’. That sort of ties in with the thinking of Michael Noer, the news editor of Forbes.com, who caused his own furore last year by advising male readers to steer clear of ambitious women or face a lifetime of misery and discord.
Which is only common sense, when you think about: If the man has a career, and the woman has a career, neither one is going to want to clean the toilet. And who wants to live in a nasty-ass house like that? Not that we have this problem chez Istanbul Tory as both I and Mrs IT (Peace Be Upon her)leave toilet-cleaning to the servants.
This feminism thing is all a bit confusing if you ask me.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Disentangling men and women

I am not remotely keen on the idea…. but there does seem to be something of a world-wide debate on the benefits of having women-only spaces as a means of dealing with sexual harrassment.
There are plenty of places- hotels, trains, beaches, swimming pools- in plenty of countries which are now women-only. The male of the species is verboten. Are segregated spaces the way forward? Is this what we have come to? Can this really be "progress"? It all sounds a bit Saudi Arabian to me….and yet another issue where the global Left seem to be of a similar view to the Mohammedans.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Healey is bang on and Boris takes some flak

I am seething with anger. But first things first.Today’s Guardian contains a rather brilliant interview with Labour Party elder Denis Healey in which he reflects on a political career that seems to stretch back as far as the late-Victorian period. Anyway, Healey quite rightly describes our former PM, Mr Bliar as “bullshit and nothing else”. Indeed, those words should be engraved on TB’s tombstone.Talking of bullshit, Doreen Lawrence, the mother of the murdered teenager, Stephen Lawrence, has been busy putting the boot in on Tory mayoral hopeful Boris Johnson. Ms Lawrence has said: "Boris Johnson is not an appropriate person to run a multi-cultural city like London... He is definitely not the right person to even be thinking to put his name forward…”She added "there is no way he is going to get the support of any people in the black community".
Apparently, she thinks that Boris is not up to running London because he once criticised aspects of the Macpherson Public Inquiry into the racist killing of her son. Boris rightly claimed some of the Inquiry’s recommendations were born of political correctness. As you may recall, the Macpherson report accused the police of "institutionalised racism". The Inquiry has certainly affected police morale and their ability to fight crime. Following the report, many officers are afraid of using their stop and search powers.Yes, Boris can’t be mayor because he isn’t…..politically correct enough.
And just look at the timing.
On Thursday, Ken Livingstone said Boris Johnson would be a "formidable" opponent. He also said he was "halfway through" reading all Mr Johnson's newspaper and magazine columns over the past 20 years - Mr Johnson was once editor of Spectator - and said his rival made right-wing Conservative peer Norman Tebbit "look like a cuddly liberal".
On Friday, Doreen Lawrence lashes out….
The strength of this (coordinated?) attack so early in the campaign also indicates that Livingstone and the London left and its allies view Boris as a serious contender for the capital’s top job. Boris should be prepared for plenty of more incoming fire.
The worst of it is that we now have a political culture in which anyone who dissents from the leftish orthodoxy is pilloried, and anyone who articulates the real concerns of people in the country is denounced as beyond the pale.
This is no way to conduct debate.....

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Jihad: The Musical......Outrageous!

As if the Edinburgh Festival Fringe wasn't sufficient.....now we have the Islam Festival Edinburgh running at Central Mosque Edinburgh from 1st to 31st August. This Islam Festival is part of something known as the Festival of Peace and Spirituality, run by the Edinburgh Inter Faith Association(and if they are not fully signed-up dhimmis I'll eat my sporan). An Islamic exhibition will also be held throughout the Festival Fringe.
Apparently, many Scottish Muslims are up in arms about the staging of a satirical musical about "Islamic extremists" at the (real)Edinburgh Fringe.The satirical show, Jihad the Musical, had its world premiere on Wednesday, August 1. Featuring songs such as 'I wanna be like Osama' , it tells the story of Afghan peasant Sayid who is entrapped and then "brainwashed" by "jihadis" seeking to blow up targets in the West. The British writer of the Lyrics, Zoe Samuel, has argued that the performance would appeal to the British tradition of laughing in the face of adversity.
Many Scottish Muslims, sensitive souls that they are, see the musical as upsetting as it makes fun of a serious problem.If they are fearful of this musical perhaps they should be given sensitivity training to help them combat their musicaliphobia....and why do they think punters at the Fringe will be remotely interested in an exhibition about Islam( especially in the wake of the June 30th terrorist attempt at Glasgow airport?)
Who has the greater right to be offended here?