Saturday, October 13, 2007

The News You Need To know but the Jews won’t let you Hear

In a surprise move, one-time member of the human race and former ruler of Britannia, Princess Tony Blair, has been head-hunted to advise the troubled Blackwater security firm. US federal prosecutors are, of course, investigating allegations that employees of Blackwater are responsible for the shooting dead of up to 20 Iraqi civilians. Mr Blair is, however, “entirely cool with massacres of unarmed civilians”, according to his spin doctors.The slightly effeminate Blair, who had recently been (self) tipped to take over at crisis-ridden financial giant, Northern Rock, will now be taking time away from his peace-making efforts in the Middle East to specifically advise Blackwater on beefing up cleanliness at British hospitals.
The UK government has just announced that "exclusion zones" will be established around whatever British hospital facilities are still open following the current wave of cutbacks, with only medical staff and managers allowed inside the cordon. Skilled marksmen from the Blackwater security firm will enforce the ban on movement.
"This is an entirely prudent precaution," said Health Secretary Alan Johnson. "Governments have been aware for decades that illnesses of all types are brought into hospitals by ill people, who then pass them on” Tone had this to say-”you know, I’ve often thought that we need to be tough on the ill. NHS facilities really ought to be considered free fire zones”. Mr Blair added:"...frankly I ‘ve got about 25 mortagages to pay and new ones appearing every day so I need to make some dough, folks.Fuck you very much, I'll work for whoever I damn well please."
Stay tuned for regular updates.
*Tony Blair is, of course, not employed by Blackwater....that much is a product of my fevered imagination. For their part, Blackwater would never stoop to employing such an obvious madman.


Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Thete could be a grain of truth in all this, I fear.

I still think the idea of Balair, Middle eastern Peacemaker is funnier than any fiction you can make up.

helen said...

I wondered where you had been. Indeed. Blair advising Blackwater security is rather alarming, although not as alarming as Hospital staff cleaning after themselves.

Stan!! said...

I've been in dangerous places, Helen.

Stan!! said...

All thta stuff about Tony and Blackwater....I made it all up. But somehow it could happen.

Little Lamb said...

I gather you don't like Blair.

Newmania said...


Murder is nothing new to Blair . Just imagine what the BBC would have made of it if the Conservative Party had been responsible .

Anonymous said...

I am with Crushed on this - Blair the peacemaker is funny enough!!!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I've been advised "not to comment" on anything the Brits are doing, thinking. blah, blah blah.

Hum, Tony seemed a nice man when I met him, but we did not talk politics.

I am penciled in to visit London or Sidney for "work related" crap. I may decline if the days scheduled are not how much havoc can I cause in just three days? I gotta have some party time, right?

Fab post do.

Wolfie said...

Deliciously surreal but with a hint of possibility. Loved the headline, it gave Mike a hard-on for ya. You could write for The Scum with prose like that.

Stan!! said...

Yes. Blair is viewed as Satan by most folks in the Middle East. WTF does he think he can achieve?
That is an understatement.
Blair is a vast egomaniac. The BBC should be abolished.
Damned right.
Getting any?
I'm glad you liked it. I could write for The Scum.... but the Jews won't allow it. Mike's the man!

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