Thursday, August 30, 2007

Public Service Announcement


My wife- that’s Mrs Stan!! not to be confused with my virtual wife,Kitty- sometimes likes to utter profound comments along the lines of, “All men are crazy,” after which I usually throw something at her, such as a beer bottle, after which she smiles smugly and says, “See?”.
Au contraire, Mrs Stan!! After careful thought, prompted mainly by my sensitive post on Diana, Princess of Wales, and a few shots of Grey Goose, I have come to the conclusion that women are prone to insanity while we males are prone to divinely-inspired rational decision-making at all times.
First things first; hormones are the basis of moods in women. 'Balls (or should it be ovaries?) to that!As you may have noticed, the old hormones can affect everything from hunger and sleep to ambition and screwing. Then you have the menstrual cycles, which mean that women can have a different mood every week during a predictable cycle. God help us!And then we have pregnancy which may throw missy into a state of constant irritation, or turn her hyper-active and craving sex during every waking moment. Go figure, bro.
Then we are faced with the fact that women are insecure about everything....and I mean everything. Many of them have a constant worry that their men are going to leave ‘em, others are judging them, the bills won't get paid, or they'll screw up their kids. Actually, they might have a point with some of those concerns, especially the first two. My biggest complaint is this and I speak from years of experience with Mrs Stan!!-if you have an argument with a woman, she'll likely ask you hundreds of questions, some of which may not be connected to the current argument. What gives?
Not all women are crazy. Probably. We just need to focus more on learning how each other ticks. Remember:Stan is here to help and spread the love....Are you with me, people!

40 comments:

Open Grove Claudia said...

I think you should just give up and go gay. I know it's hard for you Brits to come out of the closet - look at how long it took Elton John and really George Michael?? At this point, it's the only logical solution.

Helen said...

I think men and women have far more similarities than differences. Men have just learned to channel their mood swings and hormonal changes physically. Women channel emotionally (and psychically, I'm not convinced my sisters aren't reading my mind).

Jenny! said...

That's exactly why I HATE woman!

Kitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kitty said...

Stan!!- why do you thnk i'm a part timer lezzer? women are too much like hard work dear. plus, men earn more as standard, so i'm better to be kept by a fella, no?

if you raise your game a bit and stalk me more thoroughly - you'll read within my 460 posts a week that i acknowledge the pmt/horrible bitch from hell for no good reason thing and implore wavey to forgive me on a monthly basis.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Women. You can't live with them,

Tyler Durden said...

Yes. They are special beings. They are crazy.... but they got vagina's so we stick around. life is so unfair sometimes.

Now, I need some clarification: "craving sex during every waking moment". Is this in Turkey or in the UK? Where in the fucking world is it that you live because that does not happen in North Carolina.

Lucy said...

I think I could write an entire 45min standup routine about how men are equally as craZy. And when I mean craZy, I mean:

- dishonest
- deceitful
- selfish
- possessive
- jealous
- insecure
- not willing to explore their feelings which feeds back into "insecure."
- feel that every woman is for their taking, which stems from THEIR hormones!


Remember: Lucy is here to help....Are you with me, people?

Newmania said...

Subtle very subtle . Well there is scientific evidence proving that women are worse at driving and judging distance in general .There is also an interesting dimorphism in the range and clustering of IQ s although nothing appreciable on the average . Women cluster around the median whereas men have large outriding groups at both extremes . This is why there are no top woman chess players .

Women are designed by evolution to be more attuned to emotion.The emotion of the child but also the emotion and micro socila politics of the familial group. This is why every problem is for them a problem of social relationships or something analagous to it. Women; valuing emotions over logic ,will often appear insane to men who are a haughty breed of voyagers into the light while women always want them dragged back to the obsidian darkness of the cave.


This piece of work called man is part angel and part beast when god was pouring the beast part out into women they forgot to say " when". Every time women say they want you to get in touch with your feeling s they really mean they want you to resist the test they are settig which is to see if yoiu are really a man or a women with a penis . Your refusal makes them happy and they cannot deny it !

Stan!! said...

Claudia,
Learn to love the Lymies, my dear.Elton John is gay? That's a blatant lie. Stan!! has no closet from which to emerge.
Helen,
The male Mid-life Crisis is certainly an emotional event. It's a proven fact that men going through the MLC have the same symptoms as menopausal women, flushes, sleep disturbance, fatigue, decreased sex drive and performance. Doctors and men share a common ignorance of the problem, men do not ask and doctors do not treat male menopause.Your sisters scare me. Can they read my mind, do you think? There is some stuff I wouldn't want them to know.
Jenny!
Peace out, sister. Don't be hatin' the ladiez. Except for the pyscho bitch on the 45th floor.
Kitty,
I spend every waking hour stalking you just as thoroughly as I can. But you must realize that I have other prey to stalk as well. Muff diving is immoral. I read it in the Bible.Stick with Wavey.
Dyckerson,
Words of wisdom.As ever.
Tyler,
The siren call of poon is a near over-powering one for sure. A lot of women find that pregnancy makes them want sex more than they did before they became pregnant. This sex drive is caused by hormonal changes. I read all of this on the internet...so it must be true.
For some women their sex drive increases in the second trimester of pregnancy and their husbands (I am sure!) couldn't be happier. Some guys (but not Stan!!)get turned on by pregnant women. Freaks.Tyler, consult with your OBG for more information on this issue. Or consult with Jenny! She has spawned, after all.
Lucy,
I see my post has inflammed you. You forgot to mention the chronic male tendency to engage in :
*Unfaithfulness, cheating, playing the field, etc
Maybe we could help each other, Lucy. If you know what I’m saying. Look me up the next time you’re in Istanbul or London. That is, some time when Mrs Stan is out of town. Naturally.
Newmsie,
Yes, I thought I'd exert myself and engage in some untypical subtlety. I fear there is significant merit in your argument. Mrs Stan!! can't drive properly, play chess or judge distance. Perhaps I should have her put down.
I share the idea of men as "a haughty breed of voyagers into the light " Newmsie, how did you fare in the test to determine if you are really a man or a women with a penis?
Mrs Stan!! says that I can, in no way, be regarded as a woman with a penis. I feel reassured.

UBERMOUTH said...

I would hazard a guess that single women are less crazy then women with men!What does that tell you? YOU would most likely drive me crazy.:)
Lucy- Exactly!

Open Grove Claudia said...

Uh huh. Stop fighting it, man. I've seen you wearing those big t-shirts that say "BOY" on them. I bet you even own a pair of small red shorts. You know, that's what made George Michael gay.

I love lymies and limes for that matter but, I hate to say this, I drink a lovely Irish Breakfast tea, when I'm not pounding coffee.

Stan!! said...

Ms Ubermouth,
Welcome on board.I dare say you are right.But then there is no such thing as a sane woman. End of story.:) Lucy lies.

Claudia,
You will be disappointed to learn that I do not have any t-shirts that say "BOY" on them. I do not own a pair of small red shorts.
Nor do I ever plan to wear Rainbow ankle socks, a "If It Swells, Ride It" baseball jersey or carry an "Ass Pirate" Messenger Bag.
And I most certainly do not own any of "The Golden Girls" DVDs.
I have never heard of Armistead Maupin. I do not possess a penis enlargement pump or any "Prostate Pleasure Plugs".
Do I make myself clear? Let there be no more "Stan!! is gay" insinuations, missy. George Michael is as straight as the next man.

Lucy said...

I'm not at all miffed by your return comment. Typical. It's too bad, I thought we were on the same libertarian ship.

I'm sick of hearing all the men rag on women. It's trite, it's boring, even if this post is in jest. It's just too easy. Every TV show sitcom with the fat-slob husband and the "nagging" wife has done it over and over again. It's a formula propagated by a patriarchal society.

If every man had to live life as a women, we would see arguments like this go by the wayside.

Have you seen TOOTSIE, with Dustin Hoffman? Case in point.

We get it. We get it, already! "Women are emotional and craZy!"
"Men are stallions and rational!"

Let's get down to the source of problem. Communication. Women and men communicate at different levels--literally, different pitches in voice.

And I think, just as much time and effort that we spend in studying a foreign language, we should spend on studying on how to communicate with our spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, etc.

It's sooooo easy to say, "Women are craZy. My wife is craZy. She's craZy." Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really communicate? I'm sure worlds would open up!

Newmania said...

Newmsie, how did you fare in the test to determine if you are really a man or a women with a penis?


....um...we will have to wait for the results of the enquiry to comment at this time would clearly be a breach of blah blah blah

Ordovicius said...

What's this wo-man thing you speak of?

Stan!! said...

Lucy,
We are still sailing on the same libertarian cruise liner.I hold firmly to the view that individual rights should never be denied or abridged on the basis of sex.I reject all forms of governmental meddling in the field of abortion rights, for example.
Here in Turkey, I argue passionately for the repeal of laws that might cause discrimination against women, such as marriage or divorce laws or access to educational institutions. I am regularly told to fuck off for my pains. Oh yeah, communication between the genders is piss poor. that's what I was trying to grapple with in this post. Are you still angry with me now, L?

Open Grove Claudia said...

Uh huh. That's what I'm talking about.

Are you sure your British? I've never known a Brit not to be more offended by a wrong TEA comment over a sex comment.

You can see why I'm thinking what I'm thinking... you know.

Stan!! said...

Claudia,
I take it you are referring to the ignominous "Irish Breakfast tea" quip. Actually, I can live with that kind of provocation. 'probably has something to do with my mother being Irish. As for the other accusation. Let me tell ya that I have no intention of joining the San Fransico Gay Men's Chorus anytime soon. Although I hear the Chorus are capable of moving their audiences to tears with compositions such as "We Kiss in a Shadow" from "The King and I," or "Behold Man,"...They have also recently recorded a CD of ABBA disco songs.

Kitty said...

Stan!! I think Lucy is hormonal (crazy) about your attitude to womans.

Stan!! said...

Kitty,
Right on. I think I'll trust your womanly intuition on this one, hun.
BTW, Where's your other lover, Erica, these days? Send her to me.

Kitty said...

Stan!!- hands off the poon. That MINE.

phishez_rule said...

You say we're insane. It might be true. We know it. But we also control the giving and getting of the sex. We know that too.

So its best you play the 'yes dear, of course dear, you're always right dear' card.

Stan!! said...

Rest assured, the 'yes dear, of course dear, you're always right dear' card is much played chez Stan!! It's either surrender or solo sex...

Little Lamb said...

Oh so its the old Venus vs. Mars war. You don't like Diana and never have.

You are quite the entertaining one.

A real wife and a virtual wife. Hmmm.

Lives in Istanbu., a rebel with an English accent.

You do seem interesting.

Stan!! said...

LL,
I'm delirious (as ever) to see you here. And its about time you came to Stan!! I might add. Interesting? Entertaining?
Stan is blushing. You certainly know how to flatter a boy!
Perhaps, one day I might caress your ears with a real time recitation of the following -surely you are acquainted with the work of my fellow Limey, William Blake:
"Little Lamb, who make thee
Dost thou know who made thee,
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, wolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
..."

How do you feel about rams?

mutleythedog said...

I think its all sexist rubbish ! I have lead an office campaign against this sort of thing you know..

Little Lamb said...

Perhaps one day you can caress my ears. We shall see.

I like the poem, Stan.

Where is the picture of the lamb you have?

Little Lamb said...

How rude of me. I didn't answer the question you asked about how I feel about rams. Rams are nice. I like them cuddly.

Stan!! said...

LL,
One early morning as I was strolling casually through woods nowhere near where I live,I heard a little lamb bleating. It was crying for its mother. I often think of that little lamb. I do hope the wee lamb found its mother. To tell the truth, I was profoundly marked by the experience. I also saw a caterpillar on a bush that day.
I thought I'd share that with you, LL....

Little Lamb said...

Thank you for sharing. Sometime other lamb mother adopt other baby lambs. So hopefully that story has a happy ending.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I wouldn't know about pregnancy but there's no release for you, Stan! - because we can get pre-menstrual moods even after the menopause - oh, yes!

Stan!! said...

Welshcakesalina,
Will Stan! never have any peace and tranquility on the home front?

Little Lamb said...

Just go along with what makes her happy when she gets in one of her moods.

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Stan!! said...

Lamb,
Yes.
Newsmie,
Yes.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Nope!

Miss Smack said...

I got to here " we males are prone to divinely-inspired rational decision-making at all times." and tuned out.

Lucky you're well hung or you'd be single.

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