Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Fake Orgasms

Socrates, or perhaps it was Sharon Stone, once said: “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
Actually, Men can fake relationships and fake orgasms, Sharon (although not the utterly honourable,Istanbul Tory, of course). A quarter of men have faked orgasms, according to a survey of 15,000 people polled by QueenDom.com a few years back. A British survey in 2004 found that 14 per cent of men who faked orgasms did so because they didn't want to explain to their partner why they hadn't climaxed.
The ladies don't appreciate this fakery apparently. But none of this matters. The point is that Istanbul Tory has been reading up on feminism lately (as you do). I’ve learned a lot. Fay Weldon suggests that sexual pleasure may be incompatible with high-powered careers and that women should simply accept they are less capable of being happy than men. Fay tells women not to expect orgasms but to fake them, and to praise their partner lavishly afterwards. Well, I’ll be darned.
That’s not a view that you normally associate with a woman who has been in the vanguard of feminism for four decades (boy, is she showing her age).
Take Fay on shopping: 'The urge to acquire is in your genes,' she writes. 'Don't beat yourself up about it. Just remember, 12 pairs of shoes is fine but 24 pairs is pushing it.' The American feminist Camille Paglia (a self-described 'feminist bisexual egomaniac') has lauded Fay’s book and its author for its courage. 'It's an important point that the career woman may often end up alone,' she reckons. 'That scenario needs to be put to younger women as they begin making their choices about life’. That sort of ties in with the thinking of Michael Noer, the news editor of Forbes.com, who caused his own furore last year by advising male readers to steer clear of ambitious women or face a lifetime of misery and discord.
Which is only common sense, when you think about: If the man has a career, and the woman has a career, neither one is going to want to clean the toilet. And who wants to live in a nasty-ass house like that? Not that we have this problem chez Istanbul Tory as both I and Mrs IT (Peace Be Upon her)leave toilet-cleaning to the servants.
This feminism thing is all a bit confusing if you ask me.

37 comments:

Newmania said...

IT my friend how the f---- can a man fake an orgasm. ? Shall we have a chat about the birds and bees . You see when a man loves a woman very much ( or not at all)....
I love the way you have turned your usual even handed and studious mind to the subject of sex with references and detailed argument there is a certain appealing incongruity.

Servants ...oh how I would love servants and I don`t mean voluptuous French maids of skimpily clad slave girls although neither would hurt. No I want what every sane English man has wanted ever since his invention.

I WANT JEEVES

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I have been known to fake orgasms from time to time. I hate to disappoint my right hand.

Miss Smack said...

ok, i'll bite and ask the following question...

Is a mans' orgasm reliant upon ejaculation?

Can a man have an orgasm without ejaculation, if not, then, wouldn't the sexual partner (m/f) see that he's not ejaculated?

Is he hiding the condom?

I knew of a guy who held his knob at the point of ejaculating and SQUEEZED it back in! I shit you not. I guess he didn't like the mess eh?

I would feel ripped off if a man had the need to fake an orgasm, but only if i cared about him. If I didn't really care and he was just a moving phallic symbol for the night, then, I couldn't give a toss (excuse the pun) if he ejaculated, orgasmed or faked it, as long as I got my groove on.

Smooch IT :)

Newmania said...

Is a mans' orgasm reliant upon ejaculation?

Yes

I knew of a guy who held his knob at the point of ejaculating and SQUEEZED it back in!

Impossible

There is no such thing as a male faked orgasm or a female one when I`m around HOO HA

Lucy said...

This is my first time at your blog and so far I'm very pleased and excited. (Not the kind of excited you mention in today's post, but perhaps one day I'll get that excited. And no faking it here!

I'm a standup comedienne in NYC and I'm glad you brought up this topic! It's great fodder some hard hitting jokes.

I think the whole faking relationships thing is far worse than faking an orgasm. (I wish they had done a Seinfeld episode on faking relationships. Perhaps, the entire show was about faking relationships.)

Anyway, I digress.

to a spot of liberal conservatism and hold a fierce aversion to the left in all its hideously unpleasant forms.

You should try taking this quiz. Judging by your intro, to me, you would seem to fit the descriptor of "Libertarian," but I may be wrong. Let me know how it turns out!

Miss Smack said...

Newmania, you make my pink bits tingle!

istanbultory said...

Mighty Dyck,
You really should be sparing your seed for the hoes.It's too valuable to waste.
Smack,
Always a pleasure. Exactly, its all to do with the condom. The fella you mentioned who was able to redirect (for want of a better word)his would-be ejaculation seems to have missed the point(!)

Newmania,
I see you remain to be convinced. Smack has furnished you with a live example...it's not as uncommon as you might think.

Lucy,
'delighted to have you on board. A fully stimulated reader is a happy reader as I always say. You guessed correctly-the test says that I am a libertarian. As for faking relationships, I'll plead...

Jenny! said...

What a bunch of crap! High powered woman should expect to be alone??? That is such crap! And the fake orgasm thing...why would you fake it...then your partner would be confused and not truly know what makes you cum. I have never faked an orgasm...and if its not going so well...I tell him what to do...what's the point of sex without an orgasm! Woman can be such pussies, not speaking up and shit! And how exactly does a woman not notice that her partner hasn't cum...hello...ejaculations means orgasm for men...how can they fake it? Did I over share again?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I've faked.
I admit it. Sometimes it's just not happening, you have no energy, you want to sleep.
After you've slipped off to the loo..

istanbultory said...

Miss Jenny,
Sharing is caring... You're no pussy-that's for sure. And you're right, if the male ain't performing down there, a spot of direction may be required. You tell him, girl.
Sweethang, I see you've been making obscene propositions to Dyck. He's a sensitive soul- be gentle with him and make sure a web camera is in position.
Crushed,
Yes. I shall say no more.

Jenny! said...

YOu checking up on Dyck and I??? Would you like ot join???

Newmania said...

How can you fake it ? What about the absence of seminal fluid ? Am I going mad or perhaps all these years it was just me .
I suupose you mught get away withit if your were sheathed but I haven`t done a lot of that...

Newmania said...

Is that really IT ?

Newmania said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
istanbultory said...

Jenny,
I sense that you are strangely drawn to Dyck. Join in? It's about time, sweet pea. To hell with Dyck-I doubt if he would able to rise to the occasion. You know he's only interested in using and abusing you whereas I have nothing but the noblest of intentions, heh, heh...* Dyck's already got a good thing going with that Babble chick in any case.

Newmania,
Yep, same old me. Blogging on diverse themes is the spice of life IMHO and I am a chap of diverse tastes. I am bored to fuck with politics especially of the British variety. There's going to be some downsizing on the political blogging front. My next post will concern hookers.

Jenny! said...

Well, Dyck does fake orgasms...I would rather have a man who can finish!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jenny my love, you know Ms. Babble means nothing to me. You're the only girl for me. As for this Stan loser, I sincerely doubt he "measures up" the way I do. Plus I have cash.

istanbultory said...

It’s never going to work out with Dyckerson. He's used to relationships based on cash transaction. Plus the guy’s forbidden to cross county and state lines throughout the US...but as for me, I have only a few years of court-mandated pyscho-therapy remaining. I also hear that Dyck has dagger-like teeth that could be...er...hazardous to your good self. we could be good together, sweet pea.

mutleythedog said...

I have always wanted to be a gigolo or even a sex slave for a high powered woman.... but that career path may have passed me by. If I were a rich and wealthy woman I would not want me as a bed room companion...I have spoent my life routinely faking it by the way....

istanbultory said...

I already have a plan to sell you into sexual slavery, Mutley. I'm just waiting for Caroline Hunt to give her OK.

Newmania said...

Blogging on diverse themes is the spice of life IMHO and I am a chap of diverse tastes.

Well right wing poltics and sex so far IT but I am looking forward to your sweeping retrospective on the plastic arts in the 20th century

istanbultory said...

The plastic arts in the 20th century. I suppose you mean fetish outfits and Kinky rubber for men and women. I'll have to ask Mutley about that one.

Jenny! said...

I am a sucker for cash Dyckerson...and the thought of your sharp teeth is appealing...but Stan is psycho and that's also appealing...can't I just have both???

istanbultory said...

I'm a psycho with cash and I rarely listen to the voices in my head anymore. Stan likes to take care of the ladies you know. Dyck sucks. He has unhealthy instincts.

CityUnslicker said...

There are ways of faking it, but i fear the detail is too grisly to get into even here.

If women can fake it why not men? Surely it would be for the same reasons too. Equality apparently works both ways.

Not in mrs Cu's eyes of course...

istanbultory said...

Mrs CU is clearly a fortunate woman. Reverse ejaculation is no myth. As for female ejaculation, I am still none the wiser.

Newmania said...

I fear chnage....

Newmania said...

..and change

istanbultory said...

Newmania,
Seize change by the balls....and grip hard.
Jenny,
There are rumours that Dyck is secretly engaged to Ms. Babble. That would leave the coast open for you and me, hun.

Newmania said...

Newmania,
Seize change by the balls....and grip hard.

That is just wrong
1 Change must be resisted
2 Balls must not be gripped

istanbultory said...

Stroked gently, then. It's all a matter of preference.And context.
Whereabouts are you moving to? Or is that an unmentionable.

Dan Mega said...

I have faked it. Sometimes, you're too drunk and it just ain't gonna happen.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You want to talk psycho?? I have 13 different personalities and I constantly hear voices in my head. So show me some fucking respect!

istanbultory said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stan! said...

Dyck, you’ll be speaking in tongues next. Naturally, I have the highest respect for anyone like yourself who collects used prophylactics. Oh, could you Fedex me some industrial duct tape and five pairs of handcuffs…..I have family coming over for the weekend.

Dan,
It takes a brave man to admit it. Strangely, I no longer feel threatened by you in the race for Jenny’s affections. One day she’ll see sense...

Jenny! said...

I can't believe all these fakers!!!

Miss Smack said...

My example is real. My ex-neighbour came to me and we talked about it. She said it just went back in! I thought he had ejaculated and kept it hidden and tucked away in a condom, but he didn't. He apparently reached orgasm, but it went back in! Impossible? Well, I don't know, I'm not the owner of a penis.

Interesting though!

I guess men might say 'sorry, I can't do this, i'm tired' and let it go, but I guess they fake it to save the girls' feelings. Whats worse though? faking it or lying? Aren't they the same?