Friday, August 17, 2007

Doust mine ass look biggeth within this?



Listen up twenty-first century chicks....(but first,check out the "pair" of twenty-first century chicks to the left there)
Concerned about large or droopy breasts? Just bind them up in bandages for a few nights before washing them in white wine and rose water. (Having them tongue dried helps too, heh, heh...)But seriously, this is just one of the "helpful" suggestions in a 300-year-old book that you might call the Cosmopolitan of its day.
The Ladies Dictionary: Being a General Entertainment for the Fair Sex includes many of the hang-ups affecting modern women.(Source)
The author of the 1694 publication has some surprising suggestions on issues from diet to fashion and make-up to adultery. One remedy for the overweight involves bathing in claret and a list of ingredients you probably won't find in your local supermarket, including wormwood and something called "squinath" (male love juice perhaps). When it comes to a first date, the author asks: "Is it proper for a Woman to yield at the first address, though to a man she love?" In his opinion: "You'll get better Conditions if the Enemy does not know how weak you are within." Women are warned not to be tempted due to "dangerous consequences" and "dishonour it puts on your Sex". And in case you were considering adultery, forget it. Such affairs often end in "blood and disgrace", the writer warns. The book's advice on make-up is very simple - do not wear any. "A painted face is enough to destroy the Reputation of her that uses it," it says. On prostitution, he says it "causes a man to spend silver for flesh, till he becomes so lank that his legs are scarce able to support their late master" (!)
How far wrong can you go with advice like that?

23 comments:

mutleythedog said...

Somethings never seem to change do they. I quite like the idea of bathing in claret, it could be fun, if messy.

Unfortunately I have been tempted a lot myself - that must explain the lankness in the legs...

mutleythedog said...

Yay Im second!!

Jenny! said...

What is claret? That book sounds like no fun at all!

Stan! said...

Well, my naughty little eyefucker, claret is red wine from the South West region of France. Not to be found in "Hooters", I suspect...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Sounds like a book I should read!

Jenny! said...

Hmmm, thanks! Hooters only serves beer...yuck!

Jenny! said...

So you wanna be my daddy?

Stan! said...

Welshcakes,
How about a good rub down with wormwood and quinath?
Jenny,
Daddy just wants to take care of his princess's every need.

Kitty said...

I am not clever enough to understand your post, but can you remind me when the threesome is starting again? I got your reply about valleys of poon and harbours and docking and shit but...when is it sexy time?

Lilith said...

Wormwood is a cure for malaria, amongst other things. Top herb.

Stan! said...

Kitty,
Come off it, possum. I know you are a smart cookie(!) As for the threesome, I have doubts about Mr Mutley's ability to perform. I, therefore, intend to replace him with a few dozen chaps from the 17th Regiment of the Turkish Marine Corps. Think you can fit them in? I'd expect Davey to lend a hand or any other available organ.

Lilith,
Top herb,eh? But can you smoke it? BTW, my internet wife Kitty (see above) has an interest in severed penises. Just thought you'd like to know....

Kitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dyck!! said...

Why don't you read a fucking book that was written in this century??

Stan! said...

Dyck!
As for your taste in reading material...it hardly bears thinking about.

Kitty said...

Stan! I like your ideas, but as the daughter of a Greek man I am unable to fornicate with Turks. Its the rules baby.

Why you hating on Mutley so bad?

Lucy said...

I'm surprised your taking such a concern in modern the women's troubles--being a man and all. This handbook for women seems a bit dated, no?

Do you remember the band Nada Surf, and their song "Popular"?
The band members mention that the lyrics and tips they use in the song are from an actual 50s dating handbook. So it seems like there's a theme to this comment.

Kitty said...

Stan! can you post me a copy of said handbook i wanna learns to be a proper laydee.

Stan! said...

Kitty,
Whoops! I lurve you just the way you are, hun. You don't need the book. Stick with Cosmo.I can see Greek fathers might have a problem with my earlier suggestion. Thats definitely a no-no. Moving on to Mutley.Mutley is competition. I don't like competition.

Lucy
Darlin', well the ladies do flock to this blog in droves. I just aim to keep them satisfied while they are here...

Newmania said...

Stan stan stan .... I used to know this chap called IT I do recall he used to do a political blog....and now what do I see...well this is much ,more inetresting obviously.

That very early isn`t it , its suprising how sexual libertaion has no clear chronology. It was mostly the Victorians that were up tight about it .If you read Boswell`s diaries he is very relaxed. I have read a piece iof Egyptian poetry dating back 4000 years that describes lust in a way that might have been yesterday .
There is an Indian rhyme

"There is a girl across the river with a bottom like a peach but alas I cannot swim"




That sums up my life ... except I`d probably have tried and drowned.

Stan! said...

Newmania,
That other stuff is all behind me. I agree with you on the lack of a chronology.

Lilith said...

Yes, Stan! you can smoke it as a tobacco substitute... I prefer my herbs a little less wholesome. Stops me going psychotic...

qishaya said...

Original christian shoes are first category in alter. They are so much appealing louboutin shoes so, ample of women can not pause to get their hands on them. cheap christian louboutin However, these shoes are not economical. christian louboutin So adequate of women cannot present these shoes. christian louboutin heels Christian Louboutin Replica is presenting the textbook thing for these people. christian louboutin sandals It is present masses of fashionable shoes in an economical rate. christian pumps You know that unique shoes are posh to buy. christian sandals Nevertheless do not think that exchange a shoe with christian louboutin pumps magnificent create of top trait is hard. Now a time model are presented. louboutin pumps But if you hardship attribute cargo look discount christian louboutin for these replicas in a trustworthy position & set an order for your beloved shoes christian louboutin sale

buyi said...

Southeast and main Asian pandora jewelry countries have twisted rubies for centuries, cheap pandora bracelets but research as to where, and how to find more deposits is Pandora charms spare, and production has figured out how and mining companies,” Pandora beads Giuliani says, to look at exactly the right time and place.” pandora set Farther investigation of claret formation, based on tectonic scenery, cheap pandora geochemistry, fluid inclusions and isotopic ratios, allowed discount pandora Giuliani’s lineup to remodel a new prototype for the French Institute pandora 2010 of Research for Development (IRD) and the National Scientific pandora sale Center of Research, two government-sponsored knowledge Pandora Bangles and technology research institutes that aim to aid in the sustainable cheap pandora bracelets development of developing countries. Before the collision pandora bracelets prices of the Eurasian and Indian plates, lagoons or deltas sat in the regions where marble is giant, pandora bracelets and charms he says, “and there is the brains to expect that the new pandora bracelets sale thoughts should help development of the artless capital.” discount pandora bracelets Virginie Garnier, Gaston Giuliani and Daniel Pandora necklace Ohnenstetter urban the shape to do just that. They work for the garnet cheap pandora charms genesis. While studying the bedrock in Vietnam in 1998, the discount pandora charms French players found rubies, which detained traces of aluminum, chromium pandora charms sale and vanadium from universities, international corporations, governments pandora charms 2010 and why the rubies got there, and has created a paradigm Pandora beads to help these evaporites, Garnier says, when the Eurasian cheap pandora beads and Indian plates collided, raising the Himalaya Mountains.