Monday, December 17, 2007

Screw Santa

Well, it’s about that time of the month again when I scrape together a post so here goes ( And this particular post should give pause for thought over the Yuletide season).
This Christmas Eve millions and millions of little children will climb into their beds looking for the glorious appearing of Santa Claus.
But …..
Is Santa Claus just a jolly, harmless, friendly fellow?
Or is there something or someone else hiding behind jolly ol’ St. Nick?
Surely anyone with a modicum of intelligence would realize that Santa is in reality a prejudice pedophile, bent on world domination. He promotes consumerism, communism, and obesity. Not only that, but his treatment of Mrs. Claus is atrocious. Santa is also a blatant racist. He is completely anti-Semitic and prints anti-Semitic literature. He is always talking about how the "nice" little boys and girls will get presents at Christmas. Did you ever wonder why no little Jewish boys and girls ever get a Tonka truck under the menorah from Santa? It's because Santa is affiliated with the KKK!! In fact he's heading it up!
The only solution is to put an end to Santa Claus. He is obviously the one and only reason why humans have become so utterly wicked. His tendency to feed on small children and his plan for world domination, should make Santa Claus Public Enemy Number One this year. So next time you take your child to see Santa Claus, give him a gun and say, "Honey, if Santa tries to cop a feel this year, blow his brains out." Besides, your kid can't be tried as an adult anyway, so what's the harm really if you think about it.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Stan is back!

I've been away. I have my reasons. Doubtless my vast blogging talents have been sorely missed.
It started out as just a simple way to pass the time. I mean, everyone was doing it, right? You know....Facebook. Intending merely to test the waters, I was instead swept out to sea – up the Facebook creek without a paddle.You know like when you make your first priority to check your e-mail in the morning, just in case someone added you or messaged your Facebook account overnight.

I resisted the Facebook craze for a long time, primarily because I didn't need another electronic medium to remind me that nobody likes me. As it is, nobody AIMs me, all my best e-mail friends ever want to talk about is penis enlargement and Russian brides.
I've been invited on Facebook many times in the last couple of months (I'm not bragging, a demented clown could probably sign up and people would soon be leaving messages on his wall and joining his networks and tagging his photos). Intending merely to test the waters, I have instead been swept out to sea – up the Facebook creek without a paddle.
So get out there, poke some strangers.
Let’s face the facts here, people like to know that other people are thinking about them. The more people the better. What Facebook does is it allows you to broadcast yourself a lot easier and faster than any other website has in the past. What better way to wile the hours away (apart from porn)than to stick your nose into other people’s business without them really knowng you’re doing it. Relationships, friends, hobbies, purchases and moods… there’s little you can’t find out about someone on Facebook.
It is a stalker's dream.
Deep, deep down, maybe we're all big losers. Everyone who would rather post a message on someone's wall than actually look him or her in the eye and say hello is ultimately a useless individual. Everybody except me, though. I'm cool.
So if you’ll excuse me, I have a profile to update. ‘wonder if Ms. Babble has an account.
Tyler has.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I need help!

Years ago, whenever I went to the dentist it really hurt. To make things worse, the dentist I had growing up always had peanut butter breath. The last time I went to a dentist here in the Third World, the guy drilled right into a nerve. It was the most painful ******* experience of my life, and because of it, I can't stand going to the dentist, even if only for teeth cleaning. I was so miserable about that last experience that I haven’t been back in a while....about 5 years, to be precise.
Something I have in common with many English folks. In fact, dentists are virtually unknown in Britania. I think that asshole Tony Blair abolished them. Or shot them. Or something.
Personally, I just don't like people sticking their hands in my mouth. Or inserting metal hooks, for that matter. Unless I’m nekkid and in the mood.I despise the very thought of dentistry. With all due respect to the highly professional, well educated and well meaning dentists out there (that's the rational part of me speaking...), in my irrational mind you are all a bunch of freakin’ voodoo doctors. What is it with dentists? We all know they're just flaky soldiers of Beelzebub that really couldn't make it into medical school...
That said...I have very recently had several teeth extracted, deep cleaning, root canal and gum surgery. The gum surgery occured 5 days ago and the Percocet and Motrin (800 mg) is not helping the pain and the swelling is getting worse. Any suggestions? Apart from suicide and cocaine (I just don’t have the cash)...
Damn it all.
My post seems to have inspired others to reflect on British dentistry (if it still exists)

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The News You Need To know but the Jews won’t let you Hear

In a surprise move, one-time member of the human race and former ruler of Britannia, Princess Tony Blair, has been head-hunted to advise the troubled Blackwater security firm. US federal prosecutors are, of course, investigating allegations that employees of Blackwater are responsible for the shooting dead of up to 20 Iraqi civilians. Mr Blair is, however, “entirely cool with massacres of unarmed civilians”, according to his spin doctors.The slightly effeminate Blair, who had recently been (self) tipped to take over at crisis-ridden financial giant, Northern Rock, will now be taking time away from his peace-making efforts in the Middle East to specifically advise Blackwater on beefing up cleanliness at British hospitals.
The UK government has just announced that "exclusion zones" will be established around whatever British hospital facilities are still open following the current wave of cutbacks, with only medical staff and managers allowed inside the cordon. Skilled marksmen from the Blackwater security firm will enforce the ban on movement.
"This is an entirely prudent precaution," said Health Secretary Alan Johnson. "Governments have been aware for decades that illnesses of all types are brought into hospitals by ill people, who then pass them on” Tone had this to say-”you know, I’ve often thought that we need to be tough on the ill. NHS facilities really ought to be considered free fire zones”. Mr Blair added:"...frankly I ‘ve got about 25 mortagages to pay and new ones appearing every day so I need to make some dough, folks.Fuck you very much, I'll work for whoever I damn well please."
Stay tuned for regular updates.
*Tony Blair is, of course, not employed by Blackwater....that much is a product of my fevered imagination. For their part, Blackwater would never stoop to employing such an obvious madman.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

The South may not rise again!

Alabama... isn’t that the US state which always comes in dead last in state school and public health rankings (or is perhaps tied with Mississippi)? Well, Alabama has always had a reputation for being a little behind the times...perhaps not unjustifiably so.
This very week, the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear a challenge to Alabama’s law banning the sale of sex toys. Alabama is one of a handful of states, including Texas and Georgia, with laws restricting sales of sex toys. The Alabama “anti-obscenity” law bans the sale of sex toys but not their possession. Violators are subject to a maximum $10,000 fine and one year in jail.
Surely, sex toys are in the ...uh... eye of the beholder. Will they outlaw selling whipped cream or ice cubes or handcuffs? How about zucchini or falafels? Or those cell phones that vibrate? C'mon people, this is the 21st century after all... What you do in your bedroom is your business... How about flavoured condoms? Couldn't (wouldn't) they be considered a toy of sorts? Where does it end? The argument “but officer it's just a "neck massager, honest” certainly isn’t gonna work in Alabama. Just to be "safe", I would recommend forced amputation of fingers. The risk is just too great of someone, somewhere (God forbid!) giving themselves pleasure. Once again, Alabamians are getting the shaft, just not in their local store;-)
Question: If you are busted buying a dildo in Alabama, will you have to register with the state as a sex crime offender? Think about it.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Blowing my own trumpet!

Well, it's about freakin' time. Finally, Stan gets a modicum of recognition, a little time in the prime time, up there with the swinging dicks, the big boys of blogging, yes, this most distinguished, very deep blog, is officially rated as no 164 in the Top 500 of British political blogs and no 84 in the Top 100 UK Centre-Right blogs. I have absolutely no idea why this is the case. I’m totally bewildered in fact...but I’ll tell ya this: I’m mildly aroused by the musky scent of success. I am pleasured to be sandwiched between some of the main figures of British political blogging....

You see I’ve been ranting my ass off for nearly a year here. I’ve sprayed you with wisdom about everything from Polish politics to poon, from the Pope to poop...with no monetary reward or sexual favours (apart from Kitty) having been exchanged or even suggested by any of you people. God knows I am disappointed. But from now on make a note: this blog is a fully-fledged quality blog, a premier political blog. Don’t you ever forget it. Thus, I’d like to thank all the little people- I appreciate your unstinting support.....I think I'll go and lie down in a darkened room now.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Hating Hillary

Is there a more reviled public figure in America today than Hillary Rodham Clinton? Well, okay: OJ Simpson. But OJ isn't, as yet, running for political office. The problem now is that pundits are asking not if Hillary Clinton can win the Democratic Party nomination, but if she can be stopped. President W. Bush (remember him?) also thinks that Hilla will win the Democratic nomination and has even indicated in private that he believes she will succeed him in office. Frankly, I wouldn't piss on Hillary if she were on fire.

And I'll tell you why. Hillary personifies all that is politics. She lies, she misrepresents, she slings poop at her opponents, and she is very very expert at it. I hate her not because of her policies, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I hate her not because she knows how to play the game of politics, I respect anyone who can accomplish their goals.I hate her because she is so false, and mostly because dumb ass liberals buy into her ridiculous, superficial, insincere rhetoric. She knew about Bill's indiscretions, yet came on t.v., cried and claimed she didn't know. She stole property from the White House. As First Lady, she instituted a policy wherein people in the White House were not even allowed to look her in the face. Who the fuck does she think she is? As Senator, she voted FOR the war in Iraq. She now claims that if she had been president at the time then she would NOT have invaded Iraq.And another thing....Hilla the Hun is running perhaps the most media-controlled — and media-obsessed — campaign in presidential history. According to Politico, Clinton aides convinced GQ’s editors to spike an unflattering piece about the campaign’s inner workings by threatening the magazine’s access to the former president, who is the subject of a planned cover story.

Let me put it this way: if Hilary Clinton had a schlong and ran on the same proposed agenda that she is running for now I would imagine she/he would have a hard time getting one vote from the most liberal American. Hillary is. Horrible. On the other hand, it looks like anyone who has a chance of winning in 2008 is horrible on all the stuff that matters. America is well and truly fucked. Unless that is political maverick Mighty Q. Dyckerson can be persuaded to relaunch his flaccid campaign for the highest office of all.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The internets is bullshit

In kindergarten, he had an interest in Barbie dolls. At home, when he was allowed, he wore dresses. Indeed, he still does. The self-proclaimed “Queen of Ghetto” from "Bitch Island" likes to wear fake eyelashes too.Hmmmmmmm....
Now millions beg for the favours of the young man with the Southern drawl and the extravagant mascara, declaring their love at his genius. I refer to Chris Crocker, the pseudonym of the tear-stained 19-year-old, Britney Spears fan who became an internet sensation after his YouTube defence of the embattled star’s widely-derided performance at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas earlier this month.
In the two-minute film (watched by more than 8 million people to date), the blond video blogger chokes back tears as mascara streams down his face, lambasting those who have criticised the singer.“Her song is called 'Gimme More,’ ’cause all you people want is more, more, more, more, more ... you’re lucky she even performed for you bastards!” he shrieks. Crocker has now been approached by a reality television company 44 Blue Productions to follow the YouTube star’s life as a persecuted gay man in a small Bible Belt town.
Now listen up!
The world is screwed.
How is this news? Its bad enough we have celebrity blogs covering Britneys performance now we have to see this freakin' asshole too. Now don’t be hating Stan!! I don't care that Crocker's gay or that he wears dresses, I do care that he has a persecution complex about everything and feels obligated to whore himself out for attention at every opportunity. I just feel someone should send him to boot camp. He might just like it...If you know what I’m saying.
Goddamnit, the power of the internets means that this man could go far....Scary, isn’t it?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

In a world that stinks to high heaven….a book that offers hope

I don’t give a crap about this. Nor this shit. And this guy can take a hike too.
What concerns me is something much closer to home...a matter that stares us all in the face at some point or other.
In communities everywhere, dog owners just don't seem to bother to pick up after their dogs-and the poo is everywhere - on the grass next to the street when you park the car, at the playgroup, at the park and down the street on the sidewalk(fact:it is estimated there are 7.4 million dogs in the UK. Together, they produce some 1,000 tonnes of faeces every day.There's a a pestilential plague of poo everywhere. But does that poop necessarily always belong to dogs? Not all of it, that’s for sure. Think about it. For my internets wife, Kitty, well, she might be faced by dingo turds, for example as she sashays her way to the mall. For my *special* friend Little Lamb, ovine fecal matter could be the order of the day everyday, and for Jenny! we could be talking about the droppings of any number of homeless people in the Windy City. Last but not least, there's Mr MightyDyckerson who has recently (perhaps unforgettably) covered this issue with a unique contribution all of his own. In future, you need never waste time speculating as to the origin of the turd on the grass in front of you or on the beach. Why? My friends, I present to you a comprehensive guide to identifying the droppings of every beast from aardvarks to yaks. A tome devoted to the animalistic turd in all its glory. An encyclopedia of excretion. A compendium of crap. A folio on faeces.The concept behind What Shat That? is a simple one: yearn no longer to merely identify the animal poop before you, learn to understand it. But,ladies and gentlemen, you really can learn a lot of serious and fascinating facts about nature in the book. It is surely a book that will be cherished by any nature-lover, amateur biologist or poop devotee and Christmas is not far way. Buy your loved ones some crap they can actually learn something from this Xmas.It really is not bad for a load of old poo. You could do worse.....I mean who would want to read this shit?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Taking kind of Milf

Via the wonders of the internet, I have learned of a woman whose name is Eva. No, she isn’t a Russian chick seeking a husband. She is, however, blond, rich, famous, four-times married and mother of one child (ok, so the last two particulars are not exactly assets)As you have probably guessed already, I refer to German writer Eva Herman. A woman who is determined to bury feminism once and for all.Milf Eva is the author of the controversial bestseller "The Eva Principle" ("Das Eva Prinzip"), which takes a sledgehammer to modern feminist thinking. I truly despise feminists, not the garden variety “women should be equal” kind. I am talking here about the bitchy, stinky and furry, "all sex" is rape kind. Well, to hell with that kind of crap.Who needs it?
Eva Herman is leading a crusade. She feels that nothing less than the survival of Germany is at stake - Germans will "die out" if women don't change their behavior, she says. Herman sees herself as courageously breaking a "taboo" by criticizing women's liberation. She recommends women exchange the sterile sphere of work for the "colorful world of children" and discover their "destiny of nurturing the home environment." Actually, she has a point. Germany has the lowest birth rate in Europe, the population is getting older fast and is threatening to shrink yet further.But there’s more....Eva has just been fired from her job as a TV news presenter for remarks she made to a German newspaper at the weekend where she said "values like the family, children and motherhood, which were promoted in the Third Reich too, were later scrapped by the 68ers". OK, she made a PR screw-up. I never said she was perfect. I’m sure not all of what Herman has said is wrong, and much of it may have been taken out of context, but there’s certainly no “one size fits all” approach to family, parenting, and work. Am I right or am I right?

Thursday, September 06, 2007

He's a freak...Convict him.

The Phil Spector murder trial has been a freakin’ circus worthy of an appearance by Dyckerson himself. But before I dump a generous serving of crap on Phil....let me read the charge sheet.
For 25 years Phil Spector lived in a mansion in Beverly Hills. It was there that he masterminded his conquest of the pop charts in the 1960s and 1970s. It’s been 4 years since actress Lana Clarkson, a B-movie actress and model, was shot in the head in that same mansion. It was there that the Police found Spector hiding at the rear of his home, bloody and resisting arrest. He subsequently pleaded not guilty to second-degree murder. Spector claimed Clarkson shot herself. That sounds a bit unlikely.The prosecution case, i.e., that Spector killed Clarkson because she rejected the Viagra-fueled sexual encounter he had planned, does sound more plausible....
First of all, Phil Spector looks like a creepy murderer. No woman would sit in a foyer of a house- let alone Phil Spector's house (well, look at the guy)-and say I'm gonna end it here,with Phil's gun, oh and I'm gonna blow my teeth out and wreck my face while I'm doing it. According to suicide experts, people - especially women, never hurt their face in the process of suicide.Second, Spector has a rich track record as a violent misogynist. The New York Post's has detailed how this man treated women and the behavior he got away with for so long.Spector now plans to wed his 25-year-old fiancee if he escapes the murder rap (!)Yesterday, in his closing argument,Alan Jackson, the lead prosecutor, appealed to the jury to use their "common sense" in deciding whether or not Spector is guilty of the murder of Lana Clarkson.Whatever the Jury's verdict, it's clear Phil’s hair has been dead since the early 80’s. How the hell could any right-minded lawyer let their client repeatedly appear in court looking like a total asshole?I have to admit Phil's hair weave on the lower left ....remains a personal favourite.

Monday, September 03, 2007

An Honourable Member

It's a sad reality but men who troll for sex in public places, gay or "not gay," are, for the most part, upstanding citizens. In this regard, one might think of George Michael , LBJ aide Walter Jenkins, or global media mogul “Mighty” Dyckerson. There is, I have read, a delicate choreography involved in the men’s room “lewd conduct” tango. The various signals - the foot tapping, the hand waving and the body positioning - are all parts of a ritual of call and answer, an elaborate series of codes that require the proper response if things are to advance (if ya see what I mean). Put simply, a straight man would be left alone after that first tap or cough or look went unanswered.
Larry Craig will soon be an ex-U.S. Senator from Idaho. Larry is certainly a man with issues to resolve. He has faced rumors about his sexuality since the 1980s.In an interview on May 14 2007, Craig told the Idaho Statesman he'd never engaged in sex with a man or solicited sex with a man. Just a few short weeks later, Larry was arrested for being a homo bathroom cruiser trolling for action in the men's room of Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. He was arrested for tapping his foot, moving his hands and spreading his feet while taking a poop. Throw the book at him!Like Craig said, he didn't do anything. It’s not like he was getting a BJ or something.
Craig resigned Saturday over the men's room sex sting.....but Larry Craig should not have resigned because he has sex with other men. He should have resigned because he has consistently championed against gay rights, while getting his freak on in men's room stalls.
What lies ahead for ole Larry?
Broadway musicals, porn, or membership of the Village People, perhaps? So then we'll have the cop, the indian chief, the construction worker, cowboy, the sailor, the biker, and yes folks THE SENATOR!!!!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Public Service Announcement

My wife- that’s Mrs Stan!! not to be confused with my virtual wife,Kitty- sometimes likes to utter profound comments along the lines of, “All men are crazy,” after which I usually throw something at her, such as a beer bottle, after which she smiles smugly and says, “See?”.
Au contraire, Mrs Stan!! After careful thought, prompted mainly by my sensitive post on Diana, Princess of Wales, and a few shots of Grey Goose, I have come to the conclusion that women are prone to insanity while we males are prone to divinely-inspired rational decision-making at all times.
First things first; hormones are the basis of moods in women. 'Balls (or should it be ovaries?) to that!As you may have noticed, the old hormones can affect everything from hunger and sleep to ambition and screwing. Then you have the menstrual cycles, which mean that women can have a different mood every week during a predictable cycle. God help us!And then we have pregnancy which may throw missy into a state of constant irritation, or turn her hyper-active and craving sex during every waking moment. Go figure, bro.
Then we are faced with the fact that women are insecure about everything....and I mean everything. Many of them have a constant worry that their men are going to leave ‘em, others are judging them, the bills won't get paid, or they'll screw up their kids. Actually, they might have a point with some of those concerns, especially the first two. My biggest complaint is this and I speak from years of experience with Mrs Stan!!-if you have an argument with a woman, she'll likely ask you hundreds of questions, some of which may not be connected to the current argument. What gives?
Not all women are crazy. Probably. We just need to focus more on learning how each other ticks. Remember:Stan is here to help and spread the love....Are you with me, people!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I just don't want to know....

Many in Britain are currently wrapped up in a vomit-inducing nostalgia fest about Diana, Princess of Wales. It has been 10 years since her death in a Paris car crash, when many Britons were (strangely) crushed with grief over a troubled woman who was for many a style icon, charity worker, and tabloid celebrity.
Two major investigations by French and British police concluded that Princess Diana's death was a tragic accident, but 10 years on many remain convinced she was murdered in a sinister plot. In fact, Di’s death has spawned a world class outbreak of bat-shit mad conspiracy theories. My favourite one suggests leaders of a "new world order" assassinated her because she wouldn't marry former President Bill Clinton. Other theories claim that she was killed as part of a Satanic ritual, or even that she is still alive having faked her own death.
Frankly, I never liked Diana.I was never a fan. And I mean never. Diana was the product of very adept, high tech marketing and PR- nothing more; nothing less. She was of average to low intelligence. She was a self-obsessed moron who both courted media attention...and resented it when media attention didn’t suit her goals. She didn't deserve the accolades that seemed, to many, to be necessary whenever her name was mentioned after her death.
I think the Nation wept for Diana as it often does when any character from a long running Soap expires. Personally, I'd weep buckets of tears if Grey's Anatomy were ever cancelled. Does that make me gay?
I didn’t give a crap when Diana snuffed it and don’t give a crap about Diana now... Nor should you.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


The porn industry rakes in billions in revenue each year and has become increasingly mainstream. Actors show up on talk shows. Its showcases take over convention centres across much of the western world. Established corporations such as Time Warner, Inc., Marriott, DirectTV, and the Hilton hotel chain all depend on pornography as a major source of revenue.
Jenna Jameson. As I'm sure you know, she's a pretty popular porn star who wrote How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale -- a book that stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for six weeks a year or two ago.
Now she is to be the subject of a Hollywood biopic.
Even though the movie isn't even officially off the ground yet, a ton of names have already been kicked around including Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Heather Graham, and Christina Aguilera.None of these ladies are “porn-star endowed”, since I think they are all sporting their natural curves. I wouldn't be surprised if Jessica Simpson took on the role. She might be refusing it now, but it isn't like she has many options career-wise.
I'm more perplexed by a different issue.
Who would want to see this film? I mean beyond the Showgirls type titillation. It just sounds like a sales-pitch for JJ and the porn industry. For two decades feminists have warned of the ways in which pornography—and now Internet pornography in particular—has lowered womens belief in their own sexual value. Pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia,boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to many conservatives and the religiously minded.
Whatever way you think about it, porn has really broken into the mainstream in a way that would have seemed inconceivable 10 or 20 years ago. But what the fuck does that really say about the kind of societies we are living in?

Monday, August 20, 2007

The politician and the lap dancers

Confounding his image as a squeaky clean, church-going family man, Australian opposition leader,Kevin Rudd has been forced to admit that he paid a visit to a strip club called Scores during a boozy night out in New York in 2003. Some of the ladies from Scores are pictured above-I've done my research.
Rudd has also been forced to deny claims that he had been cautioned by the club's bouncers for touching the strippers (!) He said he did not have a "completely clear recollection" of whether there were semi-naked women in the club or what they were doing(!)
Rudd also said he expected to "take a belting in the opinion polls" as a result of the revelation. Feedback to The Courier-Mail's website suggests, however, this attack on the Opposition Leader may have backfired. Of 450 responses, about 70 per cent were in Mr Rudd's favour, many claiming the strip club visit showed the Labor leader was "human".Even the Australian Christian Lobby managing director Jim Wallace has said people should remember that no one is perfect. That sounds about right to me...Does anybody really care what Rudd did? Should they?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Doust mine ass look biggeth within this?

Listen up twenty-first century chicks....(but first,check out the "pair" of twenty-first century chicks to the left there)
Concerned about large or droopy breasts? Just bind them up in bandages for a few nights before washing them in white wine and rose water. (Having them tongue dried helps too, heh, heh...)But seriously, this is just one of the "helpful" suggestions in a 300-year-old book that you might call the Cosmopolitan of its day.
The Ladies Dictionary: Being a General Entertainment for the Fair Sex includes many of the hang-ups affecting modern women.(Source)
The author of the 1694 publication has some surprising suggestions on issues from diet to fashion and make-up to adultery. One remedy for the overweight involves bathing in claret and a list of ingredients you probably won't find in your local supermarket, including wormwood and something called "squinath" (male love juice perhaps). When it comes to a first date, the author asks: "Is it proper for a Woman to yield at the first address, though to a man she love?" In his opinion: "You'll get better Conditions if the Enemy does not know how weak you are within." Women are warned not to be tempted due to "dangerous consequences" and "dishonour it puts on your Sex". And in case you were considering adultery, forget it. Such affairs often end in "blood and disgrace", the writer warns. The book's advice on make-up is very simple - do not wear any. "A painted face is enough to destroy the Reputation of her that uses it," it says. On prostitution, he says it "causes a man to spend silver for flesh, till he becomes so lank that his legs are scarce able to support their late master" (!)
How far wrong can you go with advice like that?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Politician porks hooker

No, Bill Clinton is not involved. It's all very sordid and involves a member of the Italian Parliament, Cosimo Mele. Mele, a married man with four kids, was caught out after a prostitute with whom he spent the night at a luxury Rome hotel overdosed on cocaine and had to be taken to hospital.
The prostitute, Francesca Zenobi, pictured above, has told investigators that the 50-year-old MP supplied her and a girlfriend who joined them at the hotel with the drugs.She also told them Mele failed to help her when she fell ill, an accusation which could complicate the MP’s position. Mele, who has campaigned in the past on the need to “defend our Christian values and identity”, has also been an advocate of drug-testing for members of the Italian Parliament.
What were you thinking of Cosimo, my man.....

Friday, August 10, 2007

The biggest pimp of them all

Is there no decency left in this sick, sad world of ours? The British Department for Work and Pensions Jobcentre Plus website is currently hosting advertisements promising adults up to £100-an-hour for work at “escort agencies”. I have to say that I am shocked by these adverts which could lead countless men into lives of prostitution. One advert, promising £90-an-hour to over-18s in Cardiff, states: "Duties involve providing clients with a personal escort service in an unsupervised environment….Experience is preferred but is not essential. Duties will involve escorting and accompanying members of the public which may cause embarrassment to some people."At least, the hours are flexible I suppose. Big Brother will, of course, be taking his cut from the “earnings”.Perhaps I should freshen up my resumé...

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Fake Orgasms

Socrates, or perhaps it was Sharon Stone, once said: “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
Actually, Men can fake relationships and fake orgasms, Sharon (although not the utterly honourable,Istanbul Tory, of course). A quarter of men have faked orgasms, according to a survey of 15,000 people polled by a few years back. A British survey in 2004 found that 14 per cent of men who faked orgasms did so because they didn't want to explain to their partner why they hadn't climaxed.
The ladies don't appreciate this fakery apparently. But none of this matters. The point is that Istanbul Tory has been reading up on feminism lately (as you do). I’ve learned a lot. Fay Weldon suggests that sexual pleasure may be incompatible with high-powered careers and that women should simply accept they are less capable of being happy than men. Fay tells women not to expect orgasms but to fake them, and to praise their partner lavishly afterwards. Well, I’ll be darned.
That’s not a view that you normally associate with a woman who has been in the vanguard of feminism for four decades (boy, is she showing her age).
Take Fay on shopping: 'The urge to acquire is in your genes,' she writes. 'Don't beat yourself up about it. Just remember, 12 pairs of shoes is fine but 24 pairs is pushing it.' The American feminist Camille Paglia (a self-described 'feminist bisexual egomaniac') has lauded Fay’s book and its author for its courage. 'It's an important point that the career woman may often end up alone,' she reckons. 'That scenario needs to be put to younger women as they begin making their choices about life’. That sort of ties in with the thinking of Michael Noer, the news editor of, who caused his own furore last year by advising male readers to steer clear of ambitious women or face a lifetime of misery and discord.
Which is only common sense, when you think about: If the man has a career, and the woman has a career, neither one is going to want to clean the toilet. And who wants to live in a nasty-ass house like that? Not that we have this problem chez Istanbul Tory as both I and Mrs IT (Peace Be Upon her)leave toilet-cleaning to the servants.
This feminism thing is all a bit confusing if you ask me.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Disentangling men and women

I am not remotely keen on the idea…. but there does seem to be something of a world-wide debate on the benefits of having women-only spaces as a means of dealing with sexual harrassment.
There are plenty of places- hotels, trains, beaches, swimming pools- in plenty of countries which are now women-only. The male of the species is verboten. Are segregated spaces the way forward? Is this what we have come to? Can this really be "progress"? It all sounds a bit Saudi Arabian to me….and yet another issue where the global Left seem to be of a similar view to the Mohammedans.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Healey is bang on and Boris takes some flak

I am seething with anger. But first things first.Today’s Guardian contains a rather brilliant interview with Labour Party elder Denis Healey in which he reflects on a political career that seems to stretch back as far as the late-Victorian period. Anyway, Healey quite rightly describes our former PM, Mr Bliar as “bullshit and nothing else”. Indeed, those words should be engraved on TB’s tombstone.Talking of bullshit, Doreen Lawrence, the mother of the murdered teenager, Stephen Lawrence, has been busy putting the boot in on Tory mayoral hopeful Boris Johnson. Ms Lawrence has said: "Boris Johnson is not an appropriate person to run a multi-cultural city like London... He is definitely not the right person to even be thinking to put his name forward…”She added "there is no way he is going to get the support of any people in the black community".
Apparently, she thinks that Boris is not up to running London because he once criticised aspects of the Macpherson Public Inquiry into the racist killing of her son. Boris rightly claimed some of the Inquiry’s recommendations were born of political correctness. As you may recall, the Macpherson report accused the police of "institutionalised racism". The Inquiry has certainly affected police morale and their ability to fight crime. Following the report, many officers are afraid of using their stop and search powers.Yes, Boris can’t be mayor because he isn’t…..politically correct enough.
And just look at the timing.
On Thursday, Ken Livingstone said Boris Johnson would be a "formidable" opponent. He also said he was "halfway through" reading all Mr Johnson's newspaper and magazine columns over the past 20 years - Mr Johnson was once editor of Spectator - and said his rival made right-wing Conservative peer Norman Tebbit "look like a cuddly liberal".
On Friday, Doreen Lawrence lashes out….
The strength of this (coordinated?) attack so early in the campaign also indicates that Livingstone and the London left and its allies view Boris as a serious contender for the capital’s top job. Boris should be prepared for plenty of more incoming fire.
The worst of it is that we now have a political culture in which anyone who dissents from the leftish orthodoxy is pilloried, and anyone who articulates the real concerns of people in the country is denounced as beyond the pale.
This is no way to conduct debate.....

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Jihad: The Musical......Outrageous!

As if the Edinburgh Festival Fringe wasn't we have the Islam Festival Edinburgh running at Central Mosque Edinburgh from 1st to 31st August. This Islam Festival is part of something known as the Festival of Peace and Spirituality, run by the Edinburgh Inter Faith Association(and if they are not fully signed-up dhimmis I'll eat my sporan). An Islamic exhibition will also be held throughout the Festival Fringe.
Apparently, many Scottish Muslims are up in arms about the staging of a satirical musical about "Islamic extremists" at the (real)Edinburgh Fringe.The satirical show, Jihad the Musical, had its world premiere on Wednesday, August 1. Featuring songs such as 'I wanna be like Osama' , it tells the story of Afghan peasant Sayid who is entrapped and then "brainwashed" by "jihadis" seeking to blow up targets in the West. The British writer of the Lyrics, Zoe Samuel, has argued that the performance would appeal to the British tradition of laughing in the face of adversity.
Many Scottish Muslims, sensitive souls that they are, see the musical as upsetting as it makes fun of a serious problem.If they are fearful of this musical perhaps they should be given sensitivity training to help them combat their musicaliphobia....and why do they think punters at the Fringe will be remotely interested in an exhibition about Islam( especially in the wake of the June 30th terrorist attempt at Glasgow airport?)
Who has the greater right to be offended here?

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Condi gets it badly wrong....

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (pictured here with another prime chump) has apparently flipped and done a Tony Blair.
To my horror, it seems as if Condi has become a fully-fledged dhimwit (i.e.-A non-Muslim member of a free society that abets the stated cause of Islamic domination with remarkable gullibility or guile. A dhimwit is always quick to extend sympathy to the very enemy that would take away his or her own freedom (or life) if given the opportunity) (Source)

Speaking to the the US-funded Al-Hurra satellite channel on Thursday, Condi said that Islam was "a great faith and a peaceful faith".
No, Condi. Islam is not always a religion of peace.Is Condi not aware that in Egypt, Christians are treated as second-class citizens? Believers are frequently attacked byIslamic zealots. There are reports of Christian females being raped and made to marry Muslims. The Coptic Church, the largest body of believers in the Middle East, is persecuted continually. Some Coptics have been put in prison for "inciting intercommuncal strife." In the Al-Hurra interview, Condi also declared that "Islam is a very fast-growing religion in the United States", and characterised Muslims as a well-integrated part of American society. Clearly, Condi is not very well informed on these issues....
Has Condiforgotten what so many others have not ...........
And particularly if you are British, go take a look here.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Remember him?

Amid the furore over the fact that no charges will be brought against the three people arrested in the cash for honours inquiry, many have failed to notice that Blair started his new job as Middle East Quartet envoy on Thursday. The Quartet -- the European Union, the United States, Russia and the United Nations -- is hoping (some hope) to pave the way for new peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians.
The “peace makers” have decided there will be no dealings with the Islamist movement Hamas. Israel is delighted. Sounds like a promising start, doesn’t it? The Americans have also made it crystal clear that Tony has no real authority to lead or shape the political track within the negotiations. Condoleezza Rice, the US secretary of state, has said that Blair's role is "something that is completely complementary" rather than being key to the process. Ouch....
Columnist Rami Khouri wrote in Beirut's Daily Star: "If there is an award for the combined negative credibility of an institution plus an individual, the Quartet and Blair should be its first recipients. Appointing Tony Blair as special envoy for Arab-Israeli peace is something like appointing the Emperor Nero to be the chief fireman of Rome." That would sum things up rather well in my view.
Tone's post-No 10 vanity job is slowly evolving into a non-job. How long until he jacks it all in for the lecture circuit? It won't be long now...

Monday, July 16, 2007

Kicking the buggers out...

Nearly 100 MPs (mostly Labourites) are backing a call for up to 500,000 illegal immigrants to be given the right to stay in Britain. The call for an amnesty is being led by the Institute of Public Policy Research. They reckon that an amnesty would bring in up to £1 billion in extra tax revenue.
An amnesty would only be worth doing if it solved the problem. But an amnesty will achieve nothing because the group of “amnestied” illegal immigrants would simply be replaced by another group. Italy has had five amnesties in the last 20 years and Spain has had six. Each time, there have been surges in more illegal immigrants - now having reached 700,000 in Spain's case. It's worked to attract people to those countries
However, the major risk for successive governments (like the rest of us) is that even to raise the issue of immigration & asylum is to run the risk of being unfairly branded a "racist". The "race industry", justifiably, wrings its collective hands about the damage done to the indigenous cultures of the Maori, Australian aborigine, native americans etc.
Is UK/Western culture any less valid?And why aren’t we doing more to protect it?It's not a question of 'the economy' - its a question of social cohesion, the survival of our culture, history, identity, - our right to be ourselves, think the way we want to in our own country. Nothing more, nothing less....

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Labour’s lack of soul....

"The party I lead must have more than a set of policies, we must have a soul," said Gordo when he was “elected” as Labour Party leader.....
What does the “soul” of Gordo’s Labour party actually look like?
We learn today that the Commission for Racial Equality has just made a formal complaint to the Welsh Labour Party concerning a poster about Gypsy travellers used during an ongoing council by-election campaign.

Labour also appears to have failed to check up on some of the types who attend their (cough) fund raising events. Ah, the soul of Gordo.
Playing the race card and consorting with rapists, surely not.
So much for the "people’s party".

Thursday, July 12, 2007

It’s an empire...

As Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern rightly pointed out at the end of June, the new European Union treaty contains 90 percent of the policies, goals and ideals of the EU constitution rejected by French and Dutch voters in 2005. This is the same treaty that Blair said was "good for the UK". Blair, of course, proudly surrendered Britain's right to veto EU decisions in more than 40 other areas of policy including energy, tourism, space policy, transport, civil protection and migration as part of the treaty negotiations.
It’s long been clear that the objective of the European Union is to establish itself as the new Roman Empire. Now it’s official.
European Commission chief Jose Manuel Barroso has suggested the EU is the first "non-imperial empire". Barroso also said "We are a very special construction unique in the history of mankind,". Unique is hardly the word.....

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

On the job....

Time for a "clunking fist"....
A Welsh primary school head teacher jailed for a car crash which left another man in a wheelchair for life will not lose his job it has now emerged. Paul Davies was sentenced for 15 months after a 120mph crash in May when he was said to have driven like a “boy racer”. Passengers from two other cars were also injured in the incident. Interestingly enough, this is a case that Magistrates didn't want to touch at first.South Wales Police has had to apologise for the particularly inept way it handled the case.
Paul Davies has been told by school governors his job will be kept open while he is banged up. Davies, denied he had been driving dangerously during the court case (although he claims to have no recollection of the incident) . The judge told him he must serve at least half the 15-month sentence.
But at least, he will have a comfortable job to go back to on release....and he's not alone. In fact, UK public sector workers always want to get back to work ASAP whatever they may have done. And I mean we are talking serious negligence here and here.
Perhaps, there's hope for the "doctors of death" yet.
Alas, Gordon Brown seems to be focused on other more pressing matters.

Monday, July 09, 2007

‘just back from Lesbos. And feeling all the better for having spent quality time among its charming natives.
Time for a fully-justified rant……“PM” Gordon Brown now wants to adopt a strong position on combating the terrorist threat by calling for a new world-wide database on suspects. Interpol has said it already had the passport numbers, fingerprints and photos of more than 11,000 suspected terrorists on its database. Amazingly, Britain does not check this register against immigrants coming into the country or foreign nationals it has arrested.
Furthermore, Blair casually signed away the UK veto over control of immigration policy at the EU Summit in June.That got me to thinking about what might happen if Turkey (a country with vast problems ) ever managed to enter the EU. Martti Ahtisaari, a former Finnish president, once headed a panel investigating potential migration from Turkey to the EU and concluded that 2.7 million Turkish migrants, about four percent of the Turkish population might emigrate to the EU. While President Sarko is leading a courageous charge against Turkey's EU membership, the EU institutions are fighting back in Turkey's defence.
Given that the UK currently has no immigration controls whatsoever, Istanbul Tory is genuinely mystified that nobody in Blighty seems to be bothered about the implications of Turkey joining the EU....

Life after Lesbos...

‘just back from Lesbos. And feeling all the better for having spent quality time among the natives of the island. Time for a fully-justified rant……
“PM” Gordon Brown wants to adopt a strong position on combating the terrorist threat by calling for a new world-wide database on suspects. Interpol has said it already had the passport numbers, fingerprints and photos of more than 11,000 suspected terrorists on its database. Apparently, Britain does not check this register against immigrants coming into the country or foreign nationals it has arrested.Furthermore, Blair casually signed away the UK veto over control of immigration policy at the EU Summit in June.
And think what might happen if Turkey managed to enter the EU. Conservative estimates estimate that 1 million Turks would migrate westwards if the country ever entered the EU. Martti Ahtisaari, a former Finnish president, headed a panel investigating potential migration from Turkey to the EU and concluded that 2.7 million Turkish migrants, about four percent of the Turkish population might emigrate to the EU. Surveys in Turkey have indicated that up to 30% of Turkish youth would migrate in search of higher wages.
While President Sarko is leading a courageous charge against Turkish EU membership, the EU institutions are fighting back.
Given that the UK currently has no immigration controls whatsoever, there should be genuine concern about the idea of Turkey ever entering the EU. Strangely, nobody in Blighty seems to have the remotest idea of what might be at stake….Istanbul Tory is mystified.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The Shape of things to come…..

I am currently idling away a few weeks on Turkey's Aegean coast line and was not planning to blog excessively. But "events" have intervened....
This morning, “PM” Gordon Brown said: "It is clear that we are dealing, in general terms, with people who are associated with al-Qaeda….”
The terrorist plot to bring car bombs to the streets of Glasgow and London appears to have brought together doctors from Jordan and Iraq. It is interesting to note that most of the suspects arrested so far are not British nationals and appear to have entered the UK only within the last 3 or 4 years. The main source of immigration into Blighty is not from asylum but from the Government's policy of increasing the numbers of people allowed to settle here from non-EU countries. The country is currently taking in more than 150,000 people a year.
We will all have to live with the consequences of this singularly misguided policy....
In France, by contrast, President Sarko has just set tough new quotas for the number of illegal immigrants authorities should arrest and expel each month. Brice Hortefeux, who heads the newly created Ministry of Immigration, Integration, National Identity and Co-Development, has said a monthly quota also would be set for ferreting out those employed in France illegally. The French government is also planning to offer incentives to more immigrants to return home voluntarily. Under the scheme, Paris will provide each family with a nest egg of €6,000 ($8,000) for when they go back to their country of origin.
I think the French might be on to something....

Thursday, June 28, 2007

In with the new....hold on.

Gordon has been busy wielding the reshuffle knife with real aplomb. Despite the "pyschological flaws" or maybe because of them, Gordo has taken admirably to the shedding of Bliarite gristle and fat. TB never could cut and slice with any flair and preferred mincing his way through serial reshuffle failures (to whit, Mags Beckett as Foreign Secretary). At least, GB has disposed of the hapless Beckett. It seems like a relatively "new" Cabinet has just about slithered into sight. Or has it?
Someone called Jacqui Smith, formerly the Chief Whip by all accounts, is now Home Secretary. David Miliband becomes the youngest Foreign Secretary since the appointment of the 38-year-old Dr. David Owen in 1977 (we all know how well that ended up). Darling's the Chancellor of the Exchequer (more like Co-Chancellor given that GB won't be sacrificing any Treasury turf). Brownite lickspittle Balls is to head up the newly-created Department for Children and Schools. His missus, Ms. Cooper also has some kind of role as Housing Minister, without full Cabinet rank. Hain and Johnson have been shifted sideways. Ruth Kelly and Blears (against all the odds) remain in the Cabinet. A former, cough, BBC man, James Purnell becomes Culture Secretary. Benn the Younger is promoted to Environment. The Machievelli of NuLabour, Jack Straw stages something of a come back. Fine.
But what in the name of God is Geoff Hoon (see here, here and here ) doing back in the Cabinet as Chief Whip and why is Des Browne (see here , here , here) still Defence Secretary? Where are "all the talents" with that pair? Everyone thought that these two co-conspirators in NuLabourism were serving out their last days on political death row. Gordo says he is all about change. Don't believe the hype.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Good riddance....

We did try to warn you in '97, 2001 and 2005 but you wouldn't listen.

May God forgive him.....I won't.

Perhaps Yates of the Yard will catch up with him yet.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

No respite from Blair

When John Major left 10 Downing Street in 1997, he gracefully retired to the cricket fields. Tony has no such plan. Alas, Blair retains an almost mystical belief in his personal greatness in foreign affairs. Despite the fact that his foreign policy has been an unmitigated disaster. Our forces are bogged down across the globe. The UK has not been able to extract itself from a single one of the countries Blair has invaded: Sierra Leone, Kosovo, Iraq and Afghanistan.
TB is now set to carve out a new role as a (part-time) Middle East mediator according to several media reports. The idea is reportedly strongly backed by George W. Bush who is believed to have head hunted TB for the role (that will go down well on the Arab street). Israel has supported the move. So too has the semi- defunct Palestinian Authority (or at least, the bit of it not run by the Hamas Islamic republic). Syria and Lebanon take a distinctly less enthusistic view of Blair getting involved. In any case, neither Syria or Iran is remotely interested in seeing a long term resolution to the Palestinian problem, i.e, Blair has signed up for a no-hoper of a mission.
Blair is apparently oblivious of the fact that he is despised only slightly less than George W. throughout the Middle East and the wider Islamic world. What does he think he will be able to achieve where so many others have failed? Can the Israel-Palestinian conflict really be solved by a part-timer? Does Blair not recall that his last official visit to the region was an utter failure? And don’t the Blairs have mortgage debts approaching £5 million? This part-time Saving the Middle East number is not going to bring in the big bucks. A penny for Cherie’s thoughts....

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Blair submitts

"I am sorry that Mr. Blair is going; he has always been a man who sought compromise in Europe," said President Sarkozy as the EU barely reached agreement on a blueprint for a new intergovernmental treaty.

The media consensus is that Blair largely succeeded in sticking to the four "red line" conditions he set for agreement on the new treaty -- that Britain would not cede control over foreign policy, its judicial and police system, tax and social security rules, and an EU charter of fundamental rights.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The problem is that Blair surrendered Britain’s right to veto EU decisions in 52 areas of policy including energy, tourism, space policy, transport, civil protection and migration. TB has signed up to giving Europe a Legal Personality, which makes it a state in its own right. TB has also signed up to French demands for changes in the competition laws that will harm British business. There will also be an EU Foreign Minister in all but name. A Common Defence Policy seems to be inevitable. According to Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, it is all for the "good of the citizens."

No wonder the EU leaders will miss St. Anthony of Baghdad.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Gordon Brown meme

I have been tagged by Ellee on the things Gordon Brown should be. I believe this is what is known as a "meme" ( which also happens to be the Turkish word for “Breast” you'll be interested to learn):

Proud of:
Unlike Tony, Brown has generally adopted a more sceptical - or, as he calls it, "cautious" – approach to the EU. TB never really wised up.

Apologise for:
*He should apologise for what Lord Turnbull permanent secretary to the Treasury for four years under Mr Brown, described as Gordo’s "Stalinist ruthlessness" in government, and a "very cynical view of mankind and his colleagues". He should apologise for the way he has extended his influence to every aspect of government activity. Usually with terrible results.
*He should apologise for the 100 or so stealth tax rises since 1997 that have made the UK economy less competitive and hit family incomes hard.
* Last year, the forward accounted national debt (including public sector pensions and PFI and other "off-the-books" liabilities) was almost 105% of GDP. This year it's passed 125%. Totally unacceptable.

Do immediately when he becomes PM:
*Call an early general election….which, of course, he won’t do.
*Bury the control freakery (it is, however, deeply ingrained in his personality), abandon the spin, counter-spin, dodgy dossier approach to government.

Things he should do whilst PM:
*Abolish the Council Tax rather than just tinker with it. Which Gordo won’t do.
* He should withdraw British troops from Iraq within 12 months in order to concentrate on Afghanistan. Which he will do (IMHO).
*Take a tough, unyielding, no surrender line against the re-emerging Franco-German axis within the EU. I am hopeful he will do the right thing…
*Pass legislation allowing the people of Britain to have a referendum on the approval/rejection of countries wishing to join the EU.
I shall tag EU Serf if he is still around.....

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Cross-dressing...not my kind of thing

Political cross dressing is all the rage these days (more on the religious variant later). First President Sarko was at it. He has been busy bringing all kinds of lefty/centrist lowlife into his government in order to build a consensus for wide-ranging economic and political reform. Now it seems that Fife’s proudest son has had a similar brainwave. Politics should be bipartisan Gordo has declared. Lib Dems ought to be house trained and bribed/brought into the Cabinet…and soon. On the record, the Lib demmers are having none of it:
“…We are an independent party which firmly disagrees with Labour and Gordon Brown on the issue of Iraq, civil liberties, including ID cards and 90-day detention, nuclear power and council tax to name but a few."

Blah, blah…..the Libs would sell their souls to Cherie Blair or even Beelezebub himself in exchange for a few seats in the Cabinet. Although the Libbers would do well to remember that Blair had made extravagant coalition promises to them on the eve of the 1997 election…and then promptly shafted them good and proper after getting a landslide majority. But then Ming might be tempted to succumb to Gordo’s dubious temptations …..after all, more than a half of Liberal Democrat voters believe that Sir Menzies Campbell should be replaced as party leader. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It’s not just politics that is infected with cross-dressing. The Anglican community is, as we all know, a pretty desperate place these days. And at least the American bit of it is prone to a spot of cross-dressing unique it is absurdity. It seems that one Anglican woman priest…..brace yourselves….also happens to be a part-time Muslim. Islam takes a decidely dim view of inter-faithism as far as IstanbulTory is aware…..but that apparently poses no problems to the wilder edges of American Anglicanism. Whatever would His Grace say? Personally, I am not one in favour of consorting with the enemy......

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Reflections on a possible renaissance

I might stage a come back. If you'll have me back that is. I have been "resting" of late. Times have been tough. A long night of the soul that has lasted 3 months. But some of the old anger is building up. The old urge to vent erudite bile is coming back.....

Friday, March 16, 2007

The War on Heterosexuality

The Polish Ministry of Education is working on a bill which will result in school headmasters risking dismissal for allowing gay propaganda in state schools. According to Krzysztof Bosak an MP from the League of Polish Families, part of the ruling government coalition:"Gay activists want to impose on society the view that homosexuality is normal. But social science brings evidence to the contrary. We see how gay lifestyle destroys people's health, we see higher levels of pathologies, addictions, suicides, violence and abuse among people who embrace the homosexual lifestyle. This is definitely not something to be presented to our children as normal, natural and healthy." Mr Bosak specifically refers to our dear old England where “… a program was devised for children to learn gay and lesbian history, which had very little to do with history or science and everything to do with an ideology that is harmful to children….”
I am not sure if I am very keen on this kind of thing either....Indeed, the proponents of this kind of sinister initiative need to understand that the only bigotry involved is precisely their own: abuse of state power to indoctrinate children into a subversive moral perspective from which dissent is neither permitted or tolerated. How very NuLabour. This week brought word that British 3-year olds are to be given citizenship lessons and fairytales are to be reworked to include homosexual themes. I feel like the world is going mad. Well Britain is at least. Dunno if that makes me 'homophobic', and I don't care either, really.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Gordo: Still crazy after all these years....

David Cameron appears to have seriously rattled Gordo's cage. Yesterday, Stephen Hale, director of the Green Alliance, said that Conservative proposals on aviation fuel "would take them ahead of where the government are at present, if they see it through".
Today in a speech to the Green Alliance GB is set to call for a "new world order" (a rather unfortunate choice of phrase) to combat climate change. Interestingly, all Labour manifestos published before the last three general elections contained the promise to deliver a 20% reduction in carbon dioxide emissions by 2010, compared with 1990 levels. The fact that the UK is presently at about minus 6% compared with 1990, and that in the last couple of years emissions have increased seems not to worry Gordo overly. In fact, the Government has had a poor track record on matters environmental for quite some time. Right since its first term in office. Fear not! Gordo, who has only been a member of the Cabinet for the last 10 years, is set to ride to the rescue. Things can only get better...obviously. In his speech today, the Chancellor will highlight the Government's role in new European emissions standards and call for the UN to prioritise the fight against global warming. A Tory Government would have "no credibility, no influence and no achievements" within the EU, he will say. "Let us also be clear: only a government fully committed to the UK's role in Europe can show such leadership..." Gordo appears to be unaware that the EU is both seriously divided over how to proceed on the environment and (of course) seriously incompetent in tackling the issue. The UN too is hardly noted for its successful leadership on the environment. So there we have it- Gordon's solutions to the problem of global environmental change rest with the EU and the UN. As far as Britain's membership of the European Union is concerned, the popular trend in the UK is strongly towards increasing scepticism about the value of Britain's membership of the European Union. Alas, GB seems not to have noticed. He'll be coming out in favour of the Euro next. Bring it on Gordo, bring it on!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

A few observations on the nature of idiocy

London Mayor/Clown Prince Ken Livingstone has been invited to advise politicians and business leaders on how to make the most of Edinburgh's "capital city" status. I seem to remember KL describing Scots as whingers and subsidy junkies taking money out of Londoners pockets not so long ago….I also seem to remember his suspension from office for comparing a Jewish journalist to a Nazi concentration camp guard. As mayor, his flagship policy has been congestion charging for central London. The congestion charge should IMHO be scrapped as Londoners are paying to use roads twice i.e. road tax and the congestion charge. If the congestion charge is going to stay then road tax should be scrapped and there should be a pay-as-you-go system in its place. If you include council tax then London motorists are paying three times to use London roads. Ken would, of course, also prefer that his constituents didn't flush their toilets so much. Obviously, Edinburgh has much to learn from Ken. If the GLA was disbanded then think of how much more money local authorities would have and Londoners could save.
No-one is to be arrested over the Celebrity Big Brother racism row, it was announced yesterday. Hertfordshire Police said: "Following consultation with the Crown Prosecution Service, it was felt that it would not be in the public interest to effect arrests or to pursue footage through the courts." The whole investigation was (predictably) a complete and utter waste of taxpayers money. The CPS are like the Police 'honour bound' (unfortunately) to 'Investigate all race hate crimes'. It is now possible for anyone (other than WASPs and Catholics of course) to have their moment of glory. On the upside, at least, we in Turkey can tune into You Tube again....the ban has been lifted. For now.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Life without You Tube

I don't tend to foray much into Turkish matters on this blog as you will have noticed. Unless I feel particularly infuriated about goings on in these parts. Today, I have good cause to be infuriated. An Istanbul court has issued an order denying access to YouTube following an escalating dispute between Greek and Turkish users of the site. The last time I checked , the ban was still in force. For devoted supporters of Turkey’s EU bid, the very fact that I can’t really comment much on this particular story should tell you something….And then there's this. Depressing, isn't it?

Lord Levy- a victim? 'don't think so....

Lord Levy, the Labour fundraiser at the heart of the cash-for-peerages storm, has given a veiled warning that a series of leaks about the affair could prejudice any criminal action against him. Indeed, the risk of the legal process collapsing has led to speculation that Downing Street officials have deliberately orchestrated the leaks. That much is clear….but now there’s more.
For there has also been a suggestion from Lord Levy's rabbi that anti-semitism could be behind the "smear" campaign. Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet said: "It does become very damaging to Anglo-Jewry in particular... and the wider public when we have this running on." Rabbi Schochet said he did not believe the leaks came from No 10, but rather other "sinister" corners. Some people in the Jewish community can really be pathetic when it comes to these issues. It isn't racism. Someone has attempted to pervert the course of justice. They could be a black lesbian or white heterosexual: It would make no difference. But “sinister” corners …… come off it. Levy has complained before that he was the victim of a dirty tricks campaign. When he sold his business in 1988, he had paid £2.5 million in taxes but had paid very little in 2000 because most of his capital was invested in "two very, very nice residences" that didn't bring him any income. With a fortune of more than £10 million behind him, it has been alleged that he paid only £5,000 in tax during the financial year 1998-99 - equivalent to the tax paid on a salary of £21,000. “Sinister”, some might say...

Monday, March 05, 2007

The Madness of Ming

“Ming Campbell is one of the most respected and successful politicians of his generation.” So says the modest biography on Ming’s web site.
So "successful" that Ming the Merciless has clearly indicated his party would turn to Labour not the Tories in the event of a hung parliament. It has emerged that even proportional representation (surely a non-negotiable plank of Lib Dem policy if ever there was one) for general elections would not be set as a condition for a coalition as far as Ming the Old is concerned. In other words, Campbell is open to offers from Gordo... How times have changed since Ming’s leadership election campaign…
Given that two of the three latest opinion polls show that the Conservatives are heading for a parliamentary majority, the Left are clearly much more rattled and dispirited than I had previously thought. Would the Libs really be intent on clinging to a discredited Broon government after the 2009 General Election? Could they really get into bed with the party that has brought us the Iraq war and ID cards? Is there no honour in the Lib ranks? Erm, no there probably isn’t…And in any case, hasn’t the “real Ming” been dead since 1974?
The Lib Dems are being led by an imposter. Or at the very least by someone who has read the political runes and understood that the Tories won't need the Lib Dems after the next General Election. As we all know, the Libs would sell their soul to the devil for ministerial jobs. Then again, so would New Labour. It'll make for a perfect political marriage...and a Conservative landslide soon after.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sex doesn't sell...

It’s not only the Labour Party that seems to be a little on the flaccid side these days. Europe’s largest sex shop chain Beate Uhse (in which the wonderfully named Dutch pornography entrepreneur Gerard Cok holds a 20.8 percent stake) , is having to close down its stores aimed at women due to, erm, a flagging performance. The price of Beate Uhse stock has plunged from its high of 29 euros at the company's stock market flotation to a very deflated 3.95 euros in November 2006. Surely, the idea of a sex shop chain trying to embrace female customers was not the brightest of corporate decisions in the first place. Or am I misreading the female psyche? Cue our friend from "Down Under", MsSmack….


Ex-Home Secretary Charles Clarke and former Party Chairman Alan Milburn have called for an "open debate" on Labour's future. They say that after ten years in office Labour had to show that it had the "vision and policies" for Britain's future. In other words, they are trying to search out a “Stop Gordo” candidate. One cannot but help sense the hand of His Tonyness in this affair. Yet the only potential challenger for the Labour leadership is Environment Secretary Miliband who has publicly ruled out standing for the leadership or the deputy's job. Or can he be persuaded to think again? Will Gordo be pipped at the post? Surely, Gordo is the "ideal candidate"……at least, from our perspective.

Monday, February 26, 2007

To hell with Margaret Beckett’s privacy, what about ours?

For those who may have suspected my untimely demise, fear not. Istanbul Tory remains firmly in the land of the living after grappling with a nasty bout of flu…
As Foreign Secretary, the wonderfully equine (check out her teeth in that photo) Margaret Beckett has impressed few. Yesterday brought news that the (less than stellar)impressionist, Rory Bremner had tricked Beckett into a string of indiscreet observations about government colleagues by pretending to be Gordon Brown, the Chancellor, during a telephone call in 2005. Mrs Beckett yesterday accused the impressionist of "an unprincipled and unpleasant breach of privacy". No, Mags, an “unprincipled and unpleasant breach of privacy” is what your Government is inflicting on the British people. It is NuLabour that has chosen to link the introduction of ID cards and a National Identity Register to the renewal of passports. The NIR (National Identity Register) - the individual checking and numbering of the population - will be the key to a total life history of every individual, to be retained even after death. Within a matter of weeks new adult passport applicant will be forced to travel to Identity and Passport Service interrogation Centres for an intrusive face-to-face "interview". The interview procedure will involve extensive questioning, such as about home addresses for the last few years, family details, education records, etc. Leaked Home Office documents describe these interviews as "intrusive", and admit that they will slow down the passport application process from ten days to six weeks or more.
You know where you can shove your privacy, Mags, don’t you?
Still, Beckett has begun to shine in more literary pursuits and has just written the introduction to a new book on caravanning, intriguingly titled Teach Yourself Caravanning. Beckett's spokeswoman said last night. "She was very happy to do it because caravanning has given her so much pleasure and she hopes others will be able to get the same enjoyment from it." Well, it’s nice to know she is good at something…